


The Missing Piece

by zemira



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Fluff, M/M, Memory Loss, split personality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 19:23:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1869483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zemira/pseuds/zemira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off the chapter where the true Akashi has awoken. Akashi has reverted back to his old self, and with the emperor gone, memories of Furihata no longer exist. This eventually leads to their separation, and while Furihata slips into depression, Akashi can’t help but feel something in his life is missing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Although we're aware of how the manga ends, the plot that was made over a year ago for this fic, will resume as planned. 
> 
> Please note: Compared to my other fics which have a longer writing style, this one has a much, much shorter one.
> 
> This was edited heavily on 10-06-15. If you read this before and actually remember it with how long it's been, you're going to notice a lot of changes. The length of chapters one-three will be much shorter than four & five.  
> ~
> 
> -This is an AU where Akashi and Furihata were already dating for some time before the fic takes place.

“Thank you very much!”

Resounding cheers escaped from the audience as the two teams made their bows and the game finally drew to a close. Kouki glanced blankly ahead from the sidelines. Only the starting five players had gone over to meet with Rakuzan, and he wasn’t one of that astounding group. Looking on, he felt a strange tightness in his chest. He couldn’t put his finger on anything in particular, but for some reason, he knew something wasn’t right. The game, they had won, but that wasn’t what he was concerned about.

Shaking himself free of his worries, Kouki turned back to the bench, making a quick visual sweep to ensure everyone’s gear was ready to go. After this, they’d have to go back to the locker room for a post-match briefing, and then at last, the night would be over and everyone would be able to wind down as they pleased. He shouldn’t have been wasting time worrying about a random bad feeling – it was probably nothing after all.

Around him, the other members of the team were whooping and hollering, celebrating clinching the tournament already, but for some bizarre reason, he didn’t share in their elation. Why? What was so amiss that he couldn’t let himself relax? Was it because they had defeated a team as powerful as Rakuzan? Could that simple fact really make him this uneasy? Sure, Kouki acknowledged the abilities of his teammates, but every time Seirin had faced up against one of the members of the Generation of Miracles and triumphed, a small part of him dwindled in disbelief.

Regardless of what it was, he had to focus on moving forward. Soon enough, Kouki was certain the victory would set in, and the smile that would light up his lips would be one of the widest he’d ever worn. Until then, he’d let the shock peter out and see where that left him. Perhaps he even could…

 _‘No. That might be insensitive,_ ’ the boy’s mind amended, shooting down the initial idea that had sprung to mind.

Requesting Akashi to help dissect what might be bothering him could lead down a bad path; they had just defeated his team, after all. He might not welcome opening the topic just yet.

With the other on his mind, Kouki’s attention drifted back toward the court where the two teams had began to disband, each walking back to their respective benches. Feeling a little spark of eagerness, Kouki stepped closer to the opposite side, hoping to catch a glimpse of Akashi now that things were beginning to calm down.

Instead, his pulse ceased its fervent rhythm when the other boy merely strode over to collect his things, making no effort to look at anyone else apart from his teammates. His customary grin was absent, but his face seemed curiously at ease in spite of that. In no way did he turn to acknowledge Furihata’s presence.

 _‘Think about the situation a little more, idiot!’_ Kouki scolded himself moments later, the thought occurring to him that it was entirely possible Akashi needed some time to compose himself before he could greet him.

His lover had a habit of being easily frustrated when things didn’t go the way he expected them to, and it wasn’t unusual for him to take a break to make peace with whatever had happened when it did. Afterward, he always went back to his normal self, so Kouki hadn’t ever had cause to worry about the behavior before. This was just another one of those occasions; honestly, he couldn’t blame him. Losing in the finals of the Winter Cup was as big of a deal as it was winning the Winter Cup, for their side.

Resolving to give Akashi some space, Kouki turned back to his own bench just in time to spot the starting five return. As per usual, Kagami and Kuroko were walking side by side, engrossed in some private back-and-forth. Kouki wasn’t planning on eavesdropping, but as they were so close by, a few of their words caught his attention, and after that, he was hooked.

“So, was that back there…?” Kagami queried, training his eyes to the side to wait for Kuroko’s response.

“Yes,” Tetsuya commented dryly, “The one we faced was  _that_ Akashi-kun.”

Kouki frowned. That Akashi? What could that possibly mean? Was Kuroko speaking of how zoned out Seijuro appeared toward the game? That maybe somehow he realized toward the end, he was about to lose? Something that he would never dare to allow to happen? It would make perfect sense since his lover refused to acknowledge defeat, and was completely hell-bent on obtaining victory, no matter what the cost was.

 _‘I won’t bother him with a call, then,’_ he decided, turning to follow his teammates back toward the locker room. _‘He’ll call when he’s feeling more himself.’_

Still, the notion there may have been something wrong with Akashi, crammed him with a sense of uneasiness.

* * *

 After Seirin had disbanded and went about their separate ways, Kouki remained in the area. Before the match, Seijuro had promised to meet him here after the game, and surprisingly he had been the first to arrive to their arranged spot. That itself was strange. Akashi was always the one that was waiting for his arrival, Kouki always being the tardy one.

He peered around for any sign of the familiar redhead in the crowds, and was deeply disappointed when he didn’t obtain a single clue.

Furihata glanced down at his phone, frowning at the blank screen. There wasn’t a single message from Akashi when he would pretty much blow up his phone with them on any normal occasion. Maybe he was running late and his phone had unexpectedly died?

“He’ll come,” he whispered, “I know he will. Sei never misses one of our dates.”

Maybe they had an extended meeting since they lost? That thought did have a vast probability, but how long could it have gone on for? He had already celebrated with his own team mates, and had been standing outside the restaurant for a good fifteen minutes now.

“Should I text him?” He shook his head at the thought. “No, I don’t want to bother him if he’s busy.”

Kouki swept at the screen, assuring himself he hadn’t skipped a message, and managed a short glimpse at the clock. It was already a little past 8:30. Akashi was never this late, and even if he was, he would always inform him in advance. Rocking on his heels, he swept through his inbox, highlighting the Rakuzan captain's name and browsing through his countless messages.

He quickly shoved his phone back in his pocket, a scarlet hue now across his nose.

“I’m sure it’ll go off when he calls.” The last set of messages were ones that were meant for his eyes only, and they only seemed to further embarrass him at the thought. “There’s no need to keep checking it.”

Ten minutes, twenty minutes, and then another half an hour elapsed. By the time the clock above him rang out nine, Furihata’s concern had strengthened. Now he was absolutely positive something was amiss, and this only seemed to bring him back to the brief conversation he had heard between Kagami and Kuroko.

“I should call.” He became aware of how fast he was pacing now. “But then what if he needs time alone? I wouldn’t want to bother him, but Sei of all people wouldn’t make me wait!”

Numerous and unanswered thoughts whirled around him, doing nothing to settle the uneasiness in his heart. In this state, he was helpless. While Akashi most likely did wish to be alone, Kouki still hung onto the theory on how he would have contacted him if he was calling off their plans.

“Where are you? It’s not like you to forget something like this….”

The clenching in his heart only seemed to tighten as the evening crowds began to exit the restaurant.

“… To forget about me…” 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, guys. Sorry about that. I had no idea A03 put it as complete. It's been fixed now.

An assortment of figures surrounded him, all passing through the wintry scene without so much as a casual glance his way. Voices fluttered about, the soles of his tennis shoes crunching against the frozen pavement. Kouki slowly walked on, pausing when the birth of another snow fall touched upon his dark tresses. He shivered slightly, placing his hands inside his pocket.

“Ah, the snow surprised me. I should have been more prepared.”

Furihata sighed, approaching the street crossing, his view morphing into a cloak of white as the snow intensified. He needed to hurry and head for home, or at least some place until the weather receded a bit **.**  From within his pocket, his frigid hands continued to tremble, his school uniform’s flimsy fabric barely an adequate source of heat. Wrenching them from their feeble shelter, he clasped them together, preparing to blow a warm gust of air into them when a hand gripped onto his.

“You forgot to dress properly for the weather again?” a voice sighed disapprovingly, “What did I tell you about that, Kouki?”

As if time itself had come to a screeching halt, Kouki was anchored to the sidewalk. His pulse echoed noisily, accelerating to a point where it made itself visible, jumping behind the flesh of his neck, rampant and ceaseless. Eyes still blinded by the powdery flakes magnified, and his ability to speak dwindled down to nothing.

_**That voice. It couldn’t be.** _

“Kouki? Why are you looking at me so strangely?”

Despite the question, Furihata continued to stare, his gaze refusing to abandon the wonderful image beside him. After countless days of separation, he was finally here.

Here, with him once again.

“A-Akashi-san?” he spoke in disbelief, “Is it really you?”

Seijuro’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean ‘is it really me’?” He frowned. “Who else would I be?”

Somehow, during a swift and poignant ramble, Kouki managed to clarify the reason for his apprehension. He informed Akashi about what resulted after their match, and how from that moment on, the other boy seemed to vanish from his life altogether. That there was no longer any contact, nor was there any indication he acknowledged his presence anymore.

Akashi appeared to be dumbfounded.

“I would what?” He stared at the boy, chuckling lightly. “Kouki, you’re being ridiculous again. Why would you even think such?”

Furihata only frowned. There was some aspect awry about the whole situation.

“I’m right here.” Akashi gripped at his now warm hands. “I’ve always been.”

The snow fell gracefully around them, cocooning them in the wondrous winter scene, the crowds dissipating until they were the only remaining two. Akashi looked so elegant cased in the gleam of the snow, the now delicate flakes tangled in his crimson mane and embellished his pale skin. His heterochromatic eyes were soft, gracing Kouki with the enamored gaze he reserved only for him. The illusion was too perfect.

Too perfect to exist.

“But you’re not,” Kouki whispered, “You’re not here.”

 He smiled sadly as the scene faded until he was the only one standing amidst the snowy atmosphere. A tear trickled down his frozen cheek, his body protesting at the loss of the warmth it had gained from the time Akashi stood there.

“You haven’t been for so long….”

* * *

 He was vaguely aware of a light pressure to his shoulder and a voice ringing in his ear, calling him.

“Furi!”

Returning to reality, Kouki’s eyes inched open, adjusting to the blurry view. His teammate was leaning over him, shaking his shoulder and tearing him out of his troubling dream. 

“Ah, sorry,” he mumbled sleepily, “I must have dozed off.”

Fukuda frowned. “You’ve been doing that a lot these days. In fact, you haven’t seemed like yourself since the Winter Cup ended.”

Kouki cringed at the title.

“I’m sorry about that.” He scratched the back of his head. “I think I’m still in shock we won.”

The response seemed to ease Hiroshi, his lips shifting skyward.

“I am, too,” he laughed, “but Coach won’t let us rest. She’s really working us to the max at practice. I can’t believe we actually have a break today.”

Kouki bobbed his head, stifling another yawn. His friend's words were painfully accurate. Ever since they had won the tournament, Riko had upped the ante at practices, encouraging them to rise to even greater heights. He barely slept through the night as it was; his anxiety over the lack of contact he had with Akashi was all-consuming. Adding in grueling practices on top of that inner turmoil was a recipe for exhaustion, mental and physical.

"So we're just gonna take it easy today. You wanna hang out?"

Kouki considered the notion briefly before inquiring, "You're not playing streetball, right? I'm not really up for it today."

Hiroshi chuckled before shaking his head. "Nope, we were thinking of going out to eat at that new ramen place downtown."

“I-is that the one on the corner?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.” He studied his friend’s expression. “Why? Something wrong with it?”

There wouldn't be if that wasn't the last place he would have met Akashi. To know he would be walking through the doors once more, would only do nothing but bring back heart wrenching memories of when his absent lover rejected him, reminding Kouki of where their connection began to slowly recede from his life.

"No, no!" he objected a bit too quickly, "I just heard really good things about it."

The two continued discussing the details at their seats, debating on who else they could invite – aside from Kawahara, of course. It was the final period of the the day and it was hard to know who might be able to join in on a last-minute arrangement like theirs. Summarily, their plan making was interrupted by a bellowing exclamation a few rows away.

“You were too rough last night, Kuroko!”

Furihata stretched his neck to peer behind them, noting Kagami looming over their team’s phantom player, chest heaving with anger and hands balled into fists. As usual, Kuroko appeared unperturbed, gazing back at the taller unflinchingly. Still, Kouki couldn’t help but wonder at the explanation for such an outburst. The words weren’t precisely normal.

“It’s said that sometimes additional force is needed to release tension in the muscles. How I was helping Kagami-kun stretch before didn’t seem to be enough, so I adjusted accordingly.”

Hiroshi chuckled, rising from his seat and made a beeline toward the heated quarrel.

"Hey, Kagami, Kuroko, you wanna go somewhere after school?"

* * *

Close to an hour later, their group was seated around a table, scrutinizing the flimsy plastic menus and deciding between what their stomachs desired and what their wallets could afford. The restaurant was by no means an expensive one, but their limited pocket money tended to expire quickly between going out with friends, food after games and practices, or new basketball gear. Their one saving grace was that none of the rest of them had an appetite that came close to rivaling Kagami’s.

"Ah, Kagami!" Koganei exclaimed, "Should you really be ordering all that? You'll get sick!"

"There really is not use in saying anything, Koganei-san." Kuroko's gaze was inflexible. "Kagami-kun will be reckless as always."

"Kuroko!" Taiga's shout was loud enough for the entire restaurant to detect. "What is it with you lecturing me today?!"

As the others engaged in conversation, or more so, another verbal brawl, Furihata glanced around. The menu crinkled in his hands as his fingers clenched around the edges tightly. Why was he here when this was supposed to be their last meeting place? Why would he leave himself vulnerable to such horrible memories when he was actively trying to overcome them?

 

_"That is exactly where we'll meet after the game," Akashi had spoken, "No matter what the results are."_

_Kouki blinked. "Akashi-san, are you saying whichever one of us wins we'll meet there after?"_

_"I never lose, Kouki." His eyes were hard for a fleeting moment before shifting back to their tender stance. "I'm only stating that, either way, we'll meet at that restaurant after it's over."_

_Akashi had then pulled him into his embrace, placing a light kiss on the top of his head before resting his chin upon it. They were only moments away from entering the arena, gathered on the stairs, so it had been a stroke of luck for them to find each other before everything began._

_"Good luck, Akashi-san," Kouki had muttered, slightly embarrassed about their position, "Good luck."_

 

He was ripped from the memory by the clamoring of his teammates. Kagami’s cheeks were stuffed like a squirrel’s, once more engaged in another performance of how quick he could down his five bowls of ramen, and the others, aside from Kuroko, were cheering him on. Kouki glanced over and peered down at his phone. They were far too distracted to notice anything.

 "Excuse me," he spoke loud enough for them to hear, "I'll be right back."

Once back out into the streets, Kouki stared down at his cell phone. He paced, sorting out his thoughts as he proceeded with an act he knew was extremely risky.

"Come on, Kouki, get a grip!" He clenched his fist at his side. "You can do this. Just press the button and call him!"

Gathering the remnants of his courage, he highlighted Akashi's name. A name he hadn't seen in over a week, and then slowly pressed down. His heart pounded, the anxiety bubbling in his stomach as the beeping echoed loudly through his ear.

But when Akashi's voice pierced the line, it wasn't him, but the recording he had left for his message.

"No answer...." Kouki laughed, almost bitterly. "Of course there wouldn't be. Why would I think anything else would happen?"

 

 

However, unbeknownst to him, miles and miles apart, a pair of crimson eyes stared peculiarly as the name flashed off the screen.  

"Kouki."


	3. Chapter 3

Akashi Seijuro stared listlessly around the vacant arena. The crowds had long left, but he found himself remaining in place. After Rakuzan’s defeat, he had retired to the locker room with his teammates to briefly discuss the conclusion of the match against Seirin. But now he was alone, gazing at the freshly polished court and empty stands.

He had lost.

His first taste of defeat had him lightheaded, to say the least. Nothing could compel him to move from the post he’d taken after his duties were carried out, and for as long as it took to come to some understanding of why, he’d stay. This was inconceivable. He never lost! There had to have been some mistake, some miscalculation on his point that he didn’t see this forthcoming.

The lights flickered, dimming before extinguishing entirely, but he still stood. What had happened in that game that caused such a phenomenal incident? He sighed, back trekking his steps and channeling deep into his memory. Perhaps if he embraced this moment of isolation, he would uncover why all of this had truly occurred.

… Blank?

Akashi’s mouth creased into a frown. What was this? A grand chunk of his memory seemed to be hollowed out. Only shreds of events persisted, the greater portion having disappeared as swiftly as smoke. Where they could have been lost to, or why, he wasn’t certain of yet.

His deliberation was suspended when he noted he had been inattentive to a certain matter, and a crucial one at that.

 _He_ had vanished.

The alternate version of himself, where was he? Was it purely the defeat which had driven him out?

For a split second, Seijuro remained frozen. But after the shock filtered out, he lowered his head and exhaled deeply. For the first time for how long he could remember, he felt at ease.

A slight laugh then escaped his lips. A sound that had been restrained since he had been shoved into the dark.

The sound of joy.

His laughter intensified, echoing throughout the area, his hands holding his stomach as blissful reality embraced him.

After so long.

_It was over._

He was finally free. 

* * *

The taxi ride home had proven to be a bothersome one. Traffic was immovable with people who wanted to gather an early start on the weekend, and as small as their group was, they were a restless, chattering assortment. He couldn't stay with them right now. What he vitally needed was to be alone to understand what was currently transpiring, and having others around - especially Hayama - would only make that awareness all the more difficult.

Although the Winter Cup had concluded, the teams who weren’t within traveling distance decided spending one more night at the hotel wouldn’t be an issue. His mind was spiraling with endless troubling thoughts, to the point where staying in the presence of others would only worsen his condition. He needed isolation, and no matter how late the hour was, his quarters back home were the only place suited for that purpose.

His jersey still in place, he had collapsed into his silken sheets by the time the clock struck midnight. He was far too exhausted to care, and insignificant matters could be dealt with in the morning. 

Behind sealed eyes, he dreamt. Shadowy figures swirled around him, each one resembling what he assumed was a lost portion of his memory. More so speaking, the other Akashi’s. But yet within the midst of them all, only one stood out, one whom he recognized instantly.

The Generation of Miracles' phantom player, his former teammate now turned Seirin member, Kuroko Tetsuya.

His attention diverted, centering more on the other silhouettes of Seirin’s team. Were these figures another wandering piece of the second Akashi’s memory? Was that the reason for such obscure images? As the darkness was lifted, he scarcely recognized a few of them, as he had faced them in the final quarter, but their names had also escaped.

The room spun, his stomach protesting at the dizzying sensation.

Scanning the formless images surrounding him, his brain struggled to call back the knowledge he’d once retained on any of them, all of them. Life was already going to be a monumental task now that his identities had once more traded places. If he could only remember the key figures around him, everything would be that much less of a headache.

A sudden vibration tickled his sides and lured him from his troubled slumber. Seijuro groaned, writhing beneath the sheets before realizing his cell phone was carelessly lodged in his pocket. Half-asleep and a trifle stupefied, he freed the device and studied the blurry screen.

Mibuchi Reo.

He sighed heavily, briefly glimpsing at the clock on the screen before accepting the call.

“Mibuchi,” he greeted in a curt tone, “What are you doing awake so early on a Saturday?”

The line fell quiet momentarily.

“Sei-chan.” His tone was hesitant. “How’s your headache? Are you feeling better? I’m still worried about how you left us all last night.”

His memory was vague, but upon hearing the voice, it was as if a part of his recollections had been restored. He could produce a memory from long ago, reeling it in closer to decipher the contents. It was from around the time he took charge of the team, and provided him with the names and faces of his compatriots. Deeper details of them, Seijuro was still lacking, but this did clarify things enough to make the way ahead simpler.

“I am fine.” Though he knew that was anything but the truth, Akashi didn’t want the concern. “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll pass if I rest more.”

The answer didn’t persuade him.

“Are you sure? Maybe you should have it looked at. You never-”

“I already told you that I am fine.” He didn’t wish to snap at the other boy, but the throbbing in his head wasn’t settling any time soon. “I only need more rest. That is all.”

Reo remained still, his silence colored by a tangible anxiety. Even if his manner was pleasant, Seijuro could conclude well enough that his answers weren’t enough to satisfy the uncertainty plaguing the other.

“If you’re sure, Sei-chan. I’m only worried, that’s all.”

“I understand that,” he sighed, “but let me rest. I’ll be fine after.”

Once his teammate freed him from their connection, Akashi set the settings to silent before reaching across toward his night table. He paused, his clouded view landing on a framed photo that rested against the mahogany surface. A boy, perhaps his age, with dark tresses hazel eyes to match, stared back at him with a radiant smile.

Akashi gazed at the photo, his forehead wrinkling as it tried to understand who this unknown boy was. He groaned when the throbbing in his forehead increased. _Of course_ , he had to be a staple of the other Akashi’s memory. He twisted to the side, returning to the succor of his bed and shut his eyes.

If that was the case, then it would stay lost. He didn’t need to add to his troubles, as he had enough already. Maybe within due time, his other self’s memories would resurface and so would the identity of this boy.

Still, was Akashi’s final thought before he drifted back to sleep, there was just something about him he couldn’t put his finger on.

His smile.

Where had he witnessed that before?

* * *

As the week progressed, Akashi found his irritation flourishing with every passing day, each minute to be precise. Shadowy figures continued to ghost through his mind, the other Akashi curiously still absent from their shared mind chamber. How was he going to resolve anything without him? At first, he had been positively elated in knowing he had complete mastery of his personality and actions once again.

But now he’d realized that the other harbored half of his memory. Memories that he needed to understand the world around him, a world that had taken shape without his awareness. That wasn’t going to be possible for him to retrieve on his own.

The reality was beginning to nettle him.

His teammates weren’t aiding the matter. Their badgering concern only seemed to multiply his growing list of nuisances. If he had a hint to what recollections he was missing, to whom the shadowy figures were, then maybe he wouldn’t have been so irritated.

A fleeting, terrifying thought curbed his reflections. The novel he had been reading tumbled from his grasp, crashing to the pavement below. Realization dawned on him, a sense of dread generating in the hollow of his gut. What if the other Akashi’s departure was permanent?  What if he disappeared when he needed him for at least the revival of his displaced memory?

“Impossible,” he muttered to himself, “There is absolutely no way he’s gone for good.”

Aside from the cryptic images that countlessly roamed his fractured mind, the portrait of the cute boy continued to prod at him. For him to have sheltered the photo in a frame that meant the world to him- the one his mother’s portrait once occupied, there had to be some intimate meaning to it. A precious treasure to the other Akashi.

A precious treasure to him.

“Who are you?” He frowned as though the photo was right before him. “Why is there a terrible pain in my chest every time I think of your smile?”

“Sei-chan!”  a familiar voice then rang about, “We’re all ready for practice. You’re coming, right?”

What a ridiculous question to ask. Seijuro briefly wondered if he wasn’t the only one suffering any head trauma. Him? Refuse practice? That was the only lingering joy he had. Though Coach had been pushing them to the extreme in hopes of sharpening their skills for the next time they were issued a challenge, it was always a breath of fresh air to be there.

And at least during that time, his mind would be temporarily distracted from the numerous thoughts spiraling throughout it.

******  
**

Practice was satisfying as usual, his cherished past time never failing to loosen him up. Aside from his teammates' persistent questioning of his condition, the session had gone extremely well. Now all that was needed was a quick shower and he’d head home for relaxation in his personal quarters.

He paused when his phone suddenly vibrated from his jacket, swiping his complete attention. No one pestered him during school hours or practice sessions, for they were more than aware that he would be unavailable. A bit bewildered at this, Seijuro allowed it to go through, awaiting for the anonymous caller to greet his voicemail.

The screen continued to flash until the call disappeared altogether. Akashi then curiously raised the device, staring at the small image that had appeared when this certain number was presented. It was the exact face that was in the mystery photograph by his bedside.

“So that’s your name, hmm, my little enigma?”

He studied the photograph that served as the icon, his lips angling skyward as he focused on the flustered expression.

“Kouki.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Ah, so this is….”

Akashi continued to browse through the multitude of photos saved in his phone’s storage. Each and every one was a souvenir of its own special memory, the radiance in their eyes revealing just how close the two boys were. It was both a heartening and heart-wrenching feeling, and he’d be lying if he claimed it wasn’t bothering him. But with no memory of this aspect of his life, how was he going to return the other’s contact?

That missed call had informed him of this bond, but it was moments after, when he dared to investigate further, that Seijuro realized just how important the brunet was in his life. Countless pictures and messages had awaited his perusal, to the point where he was still sorting through them now. He’d scanned over the images contemplatively, studying each and every expression that both the other teen – whom he learned was named Furihata Kouki – and  _himself_ made, and he’d begun to wonder who captured the photos.

Perhaps it was someone they were both acquainted with, someone who had the memories of him he needed to summon back. But the question was who? That query was adding onto the countless riddles he was eager to solve, only with it, he didn’t have a clue where to start. Nor did he have any intention of revealing to anyone the severe dilemma that was transpiring within him.

The steps he needed to take would be cautious ones, long, and dare he say, impossible, but he was willing to trudge forward. Somewhere in his mind, somewhere within shreds of a life he never knew of, the answer was locked away. And despite what consequences he knew he was most likely walking into, he prepared to do everything in his power to find it.

He had to at least  _try_.

Engrossed in his thoughts, he didn’t realize someone was standing there beside him, until the nickname that only one person ever used was called. Processing the interruption, he revolved to face them.

“…I apologize, Mibuchi, I am distracted right now.”

Reo appraised him strangely, his forehead scrunched and lips angled downward. The lines he was generating made him appear older than his customary self, the worry practically radiating from him.

“Don’t look so worried,” Seijuro laughed softly, “I’m fine.”

The lie burned his tongue with how acidic it was. Seijuro knew the truth. He was anything but fine, but he didn’t want others concerned. He could take care of this himself, and he would accomplish that feat soon enough. No one was going to have any knowledge of this, no matter who they were to him or his… other side.

“I know I shouldn’t pry.” Reo’s tone matched his expression. “But it feels like ever since the Cup’s end, you’ve been completely out of it. Does it have to do with our loss? I know you were always so-”

“No. I’ve accepted that. I’ve accepted our defeat, in knowing we can use that to become stronger than we already are.”

Or more so, the one who was so eager for victory was incapacitated, for if he knew of this disaster, surely he would object. But that wasn’t the purpose, no, there was something far more vital to speak of.

“Mibuchi, tell me… What do you know of Furihata Kouki?”

Reo seemed rattled by the abrupt shift in topic. Either that, or Akashi had posed a question about someone his teammate had no knowledge of. Considering that would only make him appear more eccentric than he was already behaving, he was hoping for an alternate outcome.

“What do you mean? Not much since you’ve been keeping everything hidden.”

Hidden? That wasn’t going to fill in any gaps for him.

“Well…” Seijuro hesitated; how was he going to ask this next? “Who was he to me?”

Silence dangled between them. Mibuchi stared at him, his face a beacon of horror and confusion, mouth agape and eyes fluttering. Maybe that wasn’t the best question to lead with, and now Akashi was wondering if he just sunk himself even deeper. The words had already been spilled, and he had no tactic to clean them up.

“Sei-chan, what’s wrong?” Reo’s ghastly demeanor melted into pure concern. “You’re worrying me!”

“I’ve been having memory problems since that game.” He was astonished by how easily it flowed from his lips. A relief, really. “I’m having a difficult time in remembering people.”

Reo cocked his head to the side, brows lowering, as though the explanation was in a foreign tongue.

“Even you,” he related solemnly.

Seijuro was aware how ludicrous he must have sounded, yet he couldn’t expose the reality of his riddle without looking unhinged. Even if this was his teammate, someone who was likely a close personal friend, he had to be cautious. His brother was the one who had built their relationship, not him. He wasn’t satisfied yet that he could breach such topics with anyone, not even those in his other self’s inner circle.

“Do you remember getting hit somewhere along the line?” Reo now sounded as confused as he felt. “I don’t recall seeing it myself, but did it happen somewhere off court? I do remember you did have a headache after.”

Akashi shook his head. “I can’t remember. All I know is that it happened toward the end. It even took me a while to realize who you were when you called the next day.”

Was he saying too much? Revealing more than he should have without hopefully not exposing the entire truth? By the expression he was receiving, Akashi was beginning to believe so.

“Sei-chan.” The ghastly horror in his tone had returned. “This isn’t normal at all. Something obviously really traumatic has occurred.”

How he wished he would stop speaking about his well being, and tell him the answer to his first question. Akashi discarded the other concerns, and once more focused back on the reason he had brought up the topic in the first place.

“Now tell me, who is Furihata Kouki?”

Reo huffed, not too thrilled at the redirection. “You’ve been dating for a year or so. He goes to Seirin High, but other than that, you kept it hidden from everyone. Something about how it was your first and you didn’t want anyone meddling.”

Nodding in agreement, Akashi tried not to scowl. “That sounds like my broth… I mean, yes, that sounds like me.” He ignored the mystified stare, deciding it was in the best interest to push ahead. “I received a call from Furihata the other day, but I was reluctant to respond because I wasn’t certain who he was.”

As if the numerous text messages he had received weren’t pulling on his heart strings enough, the call had sped up his unraveling. It helped solved the mystery of who was trying to gain his attention when the photo surfaced, but it wasn’t easing the ache inside him any. And the worst of it all was that he couldn’t take any action to soothe it. He was incapable until he had all of the details.

Reo, however, was frowning. His usual bright eyes seemed dull, the concern reflecting within them.

“Maybe you should go and see a doctor, Sei-chan. Someone who deals with memory loss. You could-”

“No,” he interjected, “I’m fine. This must be something I have to discover on my own.”

His teammate wasn’t swayed, and beheld him with the same blotchy expression. Concern, confusion, and if he had to say, fear. Seijuro himself was still trying to perceive how close he and Mibuchi were, and by how the other was acting, he was going to assume they were reasonably close. A bit more than teammates, but not exactly where they couldn’t be without each other. Reo was someone who he could confide in – he was beginning to slowly notice that each time the other male spoke- but how much could he really reveal right now?

Not much until he had a better grip on everything. Perhaps at that juncture he would allow Mibuchi to meet and adapt to both of his personifications. If indeed he was the treasured companion Seijuro believed him to be, he hoped with all his being that one day he would be able to make that disclosure.  
  
“Don’t worry.” Akashi offered him a small smile. “I’ll figure it out.”

 _Somehow._  

 

* * *

Skimming another photo, Kouki smiled sorrowfully at the enamored aura surrounding the two. Glancing upon Akashi’s face gave him comfort, but had the side effect of amplifying the longing in his heart. The pain was becoming unbearable, grim reality closing in when each second ticked by and he remained alone. It was almost unbelievable how much this was destroying him. Far more than he could ever imagined it would, to where he still refused to accept it.

This was his first serious relationship, and it was with someone he never thought he would connect with. Someone he had met before his own team did. And by some miracle, that awkward meeting had developed into something astonishingly wonderful. But it did, and for the time it lasted, it had made him the happiest he had ever been.

Only now….

His fingers halted on a familiar picture. One that was taken a few days before the Winter Cup finals. Studying it carefully, he found the photo began to provoke his reminiscing further.

What if Seijuro was ignoring him because they had won? He was always so intent on victory, never wanted to fail, so was it possible that was the reason? Nothing else would make sense why he would avoid him otherwise. From his knowledge, Kouki couldn’t recall anything he had done that would upset him, and though he understood that Akashi was busy, he had always managed to set time aside for him. No matter how hectic the day’s schedule was.

None of it made any sense, and if he was being honest, it was beginning to frustrate the hell out of him.

His troubles were interrupted by a sensation on his shoulder. Startled in knowing he wasn’t the only one present, Kouki leapt forward, hand cradling his chest when he realized who it was.

“Oh, Kuroko,” he laughed weakly, “How long have you been there?”

Kuroko repressed his usual annoyance. “A while now. You just didn’t notice me.” His blank demeanor morphed into one of concern. “Is everything okay, Furihata-kun? You’ve been out of it for weeks, but today you seem somehow worse.”

He flinched internally at being discovered. “I’m just stressed because of how much Coach has been pushing us.” The lie bounced between his teeth that were threatening to clench. “It’s taking a lot out of me.”

Tetsuya stared at him oddly, sky-blue eyes brewing with suspicion. He took the moment to study the one beside him, as though he was able to see through the many doubts occupying him. But at the last moment he decided not to persist, and instead offered what he assumed was helpful advice.

“If you’re feeling unwell, perhaps you should go home and rest instead of going to practice. I’m sure Aida-san will understand.”

Kouki’s face scrunched at the thought. “There’s no excuse when it comes to Coach,” he chuckled half-heartedly, “I’ll be okay. Don’t worry, I’ll take a nap as soon as I get home.”

Ignoring his companion’s piercing stare, Kouki proceeded to head toward the gym, but once more his mind seized him. Briefly surrendering, he turned around to witness Kuroko appraising him contemplatively.

“Hey, Kuroko.” The other boy hummed to show he was listening. “Do you think anyone is upset that we won?”

Kuroko blinked, brows lowering quizzically. “What do you mean, Furihata-kun?”

“Like…” Kouki struggled to piece together the correct words. “Would anyone hold a grudge by not talking to us or something?”

Tetsuya seemed bewildered by the query. “I don’t understand what you mean, Furihata-kun. Why would someone hold a grudge against us?”

Asking his schoolmate was probably one of the dumbest decisions he could have made, but Kouki was desperate. He couldn’t tell Kuroko- or anyone else for that matter- about what was truly transpiring, nor could he mention Akashi without revealing why. Beating around the bush was his only option, and it had just failed miserably.

“Forget it.” He plastered a nonchalant expression on, hoping it was masking his true emotions. “Just overthinking, I guess.”

Kuroko once more tried to coax him into exposing the truth to his uneasiness, but he soon dodged the attempt. Thanking him, Kouki strode down the usual path. He tried not to groan at the act he had just done, for not only was his teammate concerned about him, but now he was probably wondering what he was truly concealing by asking such a sudden and strange question.

Seriously, why couldn’t he ever be smooth?!

Shaking his head, Furihata shoved his deteriorating emotions aside to focus on the moves they would be covering in practice. Basketball had always made him happy, yet lately because of who he had met through it by a chance meeting, it was only delivering misery.

Lingering at the doors, he checked his cell phone. He’d been carrying it since lunchtime in the vain hope that it would spring to life.

It couldn’t hurt, right? Even if he hadn’t gotten a response from the call the other day, was one more try going to be so terrible? He knew it sounded like a meager question, but his heart already was mourning from the impending answer.

Still, he had to try. 

 

* * *

The train was abominably noisy. Given the hour, Akashi wasn’t surprised, but it was nigh impossible to think clearly with all the racket enveloping him. And that was what he needed to accomplish, or else he wouldn’t have been heading back home. Doing so defied the advice Mibuchi had given him  – which was to rest in his dorm for the evening instead of holding practice – but all the evidence he needed to solve this massive riddle lay waiting in Tokyo.  

He had discovered many fragments of his wandering memory back in his dorm, yes, but the most cherished ones were hidden in unlikely spots in his room. A perfect example would have been that the frame that once held his mother’s photo now held one of him and Furihata. Evidence was all over there, and he had seen that when he made the trip back home months ago, but back then, he had been even more bewildered than what he was now.

From what he had learned from Reo, they had been together for a little more than a year. Their relationship had been shrouded in secrecy because it was his first and he didn’t want anyone or anything getting in the way. But other than that? What did he really know about them? Not a single thing, and the amplifying hollowness inside him was beginning to drive him berserk.

The last time he had ever been this close to another being was when  _she_ was alive. The sorrow in his heart now was eerily similar to the brand when his mother had passed on. An indescribable feeling that something inside him was missing. A piece, and an extremely large one. But how did that make any sense when it was his brotherwho was the one in the relationship?

Yet at the same time, he was the one who….

Akashi resisted the urge to bang his head. Nothing was logical, no matter how many different ways he tried to assemble it together.

He was jostled from his troubled reflections by a vibration from his pocket. Quickly recovering his phone, he glanced down at the screen to read the message that awaited him.

**You’re not mad at me because of the results of the game, are you? That’s the only reason I can think why you won’t talk to me.**

Staring down at the screen, Seijuro’s heart clenched jaggedly. How was he supposed to address that? Or could he? If he assured Kouki it wasn’t anything he did, then how would he continue the conversation? In his eyes, he was a stranger, and how did you have a conversation with someone you didn’t know, especially when you had once been extremely close to them?

Akashi knew by not answering that it was only twisting the knife in Kouki’s wounds. Sure, he would eliminate the theory that Kouki was stuck on, but then he could only imagine what would play out if he revealed he had absolutely no memory of him. That he had forgotten their bond, anything and everything about them that they had shared.   
  
How did you go about telling someone that?

You didn’t.  
  
The whole situation was frustrating. There was a massive longing in him, and yet at the same time, he wasn’t sure if it was exactly him or the self asleep inside his mind. It was still affecting him though, and in the most agonizing way. And the worst part about that was, he was completely powerless to sate it. 

Rooted in his thoughts, he was listless on the walk from the train to the taxi. It would be a relief to return to a quiet and vacant house; his father was away on business. He didn’t need any needling or people pestering him about why he decided to suddenly escape from school for a few days. The staff being concerned was irritating enough, his father would only make it unbearable if he caught wind that something was wrong with his prizedheir.

Flopping onto his bed, he reached for the frame next to him. He studied their elated expressions, the way they stood close to one another, how well they fit even if they were the complete opposites. All these features only made the pit in his gut hollower than it had already been. The queasiness was beginning to overwhelm him.

How could you miss someone so much, someone who you didn’t know?

A chime was what yanked him from his fog. Peering down at his phone, Seijuro was almost hesitant to look. What if it was Kouki again? Once more putting blaming himself when he had absolutely nothing to do with this? It would only sicken him more than he already was, but if he didn’t at least look, that curiosity would only add to his nausea.

To his relief, it was a message from Reo that must have gotten lost in the weak signal when he was on the train. Give the time stamp, he assumed it was sent when he was leading practice.

**Sei-chan, are you okay? Have you hopefully gone to the dorms to rest?**

He wanted to laugh at that. Was he okay? At first when he was finally released from the prison of his own mind, everything had been the picture of perfection. He was finally free to follow his own desires, and had supreme control over his body again. But all that came crumbling down when he was overtaken by this paralyzing yearning and learned of the surprising aspects that gave his brother’s life color. Now he was left trying to chase those down, and somehow decide how to cope with them.

No, he was  _far_  from okay.

Scowling at his melancholy musings, Seijuro’s gaze circled the room, coming to a halt at the sight of a stack of glossy papers lodged in one lonely corner. Retrieving the photographs, he soon discovered their content was captured during the recent tournament. Primarily they showcased the victorious other team, this Furihata boy among them.

Scrutinizing that face in particular, his fingers gripped the edges of the paper tightly in his concentration. But it was hopeless. No matter how long he stared, nothing in the image came to life for his jumbled memory.

Seijuro proceeded onward, crimson eyes analyzing a few of the other team members. A few people down from Furihata, an exceedingly familiar face greeted him.

…Why on earth hadn’t he considered that option?

He then scrambled for his phone, furiously scrolling through the contacts until the correct one materialized before him. Dialing the number, he waited in stilted anticipation, his chest oddly tight.

On the third ring, the other individual’s voice entered the conversation, and he eagerly leapt forward into his request.

“Yes. I know this is sudden, and I apologize given how late it is, but I was wondering if you could help me with something. More so, with someone.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still not sure if the eye color is for the reader only, or if anyone else can see it. I’ve always gone with others can see it, so that’s how it’ll go here.

An irritating buzz was what jolted him from a dreamless slumber. Akashi groaned, gaze veiled, and placed a hand over his eyes to conceal the morning sunlight. Whatever it was that had woken him from his sleep wasn’t relenting anytime soon, and he sensed the birth of a headache. Lazily rummaging through the sheets, his fingers ascended until they touched the corner of the night table beside him. Fumbling around for a few moments, Seijuro pushed past everything else until he recovered what was causing the obnoxious noise.

Eyes snapping open, he tried not to cringe at the light pouring into the room. Probably shouldn’t have forgotten to shut the curtains last night before retiring, but that had been the last thing on his mind. Much more important matters were at hand, and he planned to spend today sorting through all he had learned from his source last night.

However, he should probably cease this annoying buzzing before he decided to do anything else. Pressing down on the button, he answered the call as it began to ring for the second time.

“Yes?” He paused to glance down at the screen. “Hello, Mibuchi.”

Almost instantly, he was hounded with questions.

“Sei-chan, where are you? Why aren’t you in the common room this morning? I didn’t even see you in the dorms last night!”

He should have expected the ambush. After Reo had advised for him to take things easy, he most likely didn’t think it meant somewhere other than in the dorms. It probably would have been a wise choice to at least inform his teammate that he would be taking a temporary leave of absence.

“I hate to burden you, Mibuchi, especially since you already covered for me yesterday.” There was silence on the other end. “But I’m heeding your words and resting. At home. I was already advised by the nurse to do the same after one of the teachers reported how inattentive I was,” Akashi sighed, “I do apologize for this.”

Guilt encased him. He had already dumped the role of carrying out practice on the vice-captain, and now he was doing it again. He knew Reo wasn’t one to complain, especially when it had to do with his health, but he regretted doing it all the same. The problem was he didn’t know how long he would be away for.

“No, no!” Reo chided, “Don’t apologize at all, Sei-chan. I’m glad you’re finally resting, but if nothing changes, you really might want to seek some medical advice as well.”

Akashi flinched. He wasn’t keen on revealing his sudden memory loss, particularly when he had no visible injuries. Sure he knew what it meant, but he didn’t want anyone to discover that side of him. The last thing he wanted was his father learning about his situation, or worse, about his brother who now slept in the chamber of his mind. He didn’t want people to analyze him as though he was a specimen under a microscope. If anyone was going to solve this, it would be him and him alone.

“I’ve considered it.” A flat out lie, but anything to calm his worried teammate. “But right now I’ll just rest my mind. I hope I’m not putting too much pressure on you.”

Reo trilled out a laugh, the melodic sound filtering through their connection.

“Don’t worry. Leave the details to me.” He paused, his tone revisiting his earlier concern. “Are you going to spend the day resting, though, or are you trying to figure out what to do about the situation?”

Akashi became mute at the final question’s prompting. Last night had been exactly what he needed, the information he had been seeking all along, but there were still many fragments to arrange. Pieces he wasn’t sure he would be able to without some assistance from a very specific person.

“I already have.”

 

* * *

Yesterday had been uneventful. Had he really expected otherwise?

In all honesty, he didn’t want to keep pestering Akashi because he knew how temperamental he could act when provoked. Yet at the same time, he was clueless about what he was supposed to do. If he was supposed to just forget everything they had and move on, as though the memories could easily be washed away in the blink of an eye, or, what?

No, he  _couldn’t_ imagine choosing the first option.

Granted, they hadn’t been together long, a little more than a year, but it was enough. Enough time for him to brew powerful feelings for Akashi, to come to know the hidden features of him, the sections of his life he didn’t reveal to the world, and with how Seijuro had acted, Kouki knew their bond was mutual.

He was almost certain that if something drastic had occurred, he would have known.

Akashi had seemed decent after the game, a bit dazed and having a difficult time in accepting the loss, but he had shaken Kuroko’s hand. Had told him this win was theirs, but then that was it. When Kouki had tried to gain his attention, he overlooked him. As though he didn’t know him, as though he was a complete stranger.

And why? It was almost as though…

“Furihata-kun.”

He nearly leapt from his seat when a hand touched his back. Kuroko really had a terrible habit of sneaking up on someone when they were least expecting it. Gathering his thoughts, Kouki composed himself as best as he could and plastered a wide smile on before turning around to greet his teammate.

Tetsuya huffed in disappointment, brushing aside the fact he had been ignored and not noticed instead. For the past two minutes, he had been trying to seize the other’s attention, but had failed miserably. He knew he shouldn’t pry, but there was definitely something off, and he aimed to find out to in order to aid his fellow teammate.

By the other teen’s stance, Kouki knew he was about to be interrogated for his behavior. Yet, was he really that obvious, or was Kuroko just skilled at piercing through his mask?

His friends hadn’t noticed, none of the teachers had. Kuroko was the only one. Which did surprise him a bit since they hadn’t talked that intimately before, nor had they known each other for an extended period. In fact, he knew Akashi before him – as odd as that sounded to some people – so the fact that Kuroko was able to tell something was off about him, only proved to astonish Kouki all the more.

So once again, for who knew how many times now, his lips opened to release the same explanation he had regurgitated the past few weeks. But before he could utter a single word, a raised hand prevented his advancement.

“Forgive me for interrupting, but I know you haven’t been telling the truth, Furihata-kun.” Kuroko was visibly frowning, his usual blank expression dissipated. “I only want to help you, because I don’t like seeing you this way.”

Kouki flinched internally. “I’m not…” he stumbled. “I….”

Defeated, his denial became lost in a mist. What else could he say now that Kuroko had discovered the truth? Not the entire truth, but enough to make him feel awkward since he knew he had been lying all along. He wouldn’t know where to start, wouldn’t know how to reveal that he was slowly falling apart on the inside, and that the reason for that was caused by one of the most unlikely people ever.

“Are you having a quarrel with one of your friends, perhaps?”

A quarrel? No, not that. But he wasn’t sure what to call it since there had been no fight to begin with. There was just no contact, no response from his lover, as though Akashi was pretending he didn’t exist. That he no longer meant anything to him when Kouki was sure that he had meant a great deal.

He slowly nodded. “… Kind of.”

“That’s odd.” Tetsuya seemed confused, but more so curious. “I’ve seen you three together without any concerns.”

“Ah, yeah. It’s not them.” Kouki bit his lower lip, trying to form the precise wording he needed. Either way, he knew it was only going to bring up more to question. “Someone from another school. Really, Kuroko, don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine.”

Silence flowed between them, and Kouki wasn’t sure what the other was thinking. If he had to guess, he would assume Kuroko would think he once more fabricated the story, because who did he know from another school? At least to Kuroko’s knowledge, to  _anyone’s_ knowledge. Whoever he had been seen with was within their school, so now he was once more placed in an awkward position.

But as Kuroko moved to reply, little did Kouki know, his answer was going to throw him into complete shock.

“Is it Akashi-kun?”

That had been the  _last_   name he had been expecting. How… how and why would Kuroko pluck that one from the barrel, and so abruptly? As far as he was aware, they had never made any public contact, aside from when they faced each other on the court for the Cup. And he was pretty sure Seijuro had kept up his usual appearances, though Kouki could see the glint in his eye, but other than that? There had been no indication of the two’s connection.

Scrambling to compose himself, Furihata ignored the bubbling in his gut, the queasiness quickly rising to the surface. He swallowed thickly, transforming his expression into one he hoped was one of amusement.

“What? Akashi?” he laughed gingerly, “Don’t be silly! How weird that would be!”

“You’re a terrible liar, Furihata-kun.” He watched as the other male inched a step back. “I saw the two of you before the game, and on a few other occasions. It wasn’t any of my business, so I had no reason to say anything.”

Caught, Kouki lowered his defense, shoulders slumping as he allowed his misery to finally shine through.

“… I don’t know what to do, Kuroko,” he mourned, “Ever since that game, he’s been ignoring me. He won’t return my calls or reply back to me.”

His initial intention had been to keep his dilemma concealed, but Kouki couldn’t deny how wonderful it felt to finally talk about it. He knew Kuroko was trustworthy, so anything he rambled about wouldn’t leave the two of them. But as relieved as he felt, he was now hoping maybe his teammate had the answer, an answer maybe Kouki himself had somehow overlooked.

Tetsuya shifted while he mulled over the situation, gaze roaming before it returned to his. Holding his breath, Kouki once more felt his nerves quake, his stomach roiling at the anxiety turning it upside down. The stare Kuroko was giving him made him uneasy, as though he was about to reveal something that was going to throw everything he had felt into an even bigger spiral of despair.

“I don’t think it has to do with you, Furihata-kun. I think it has to do entirely with Akashi-kun.”

Kouki's forehead scrunched. He hadn’t been expecting that for the solution.

In fact, he was pretty sure he was the root cause, but he was still confused. What could have been bothering Akashi that he refused to tell him? After all he had told him already, he would never have pictured his lover concealing something from him. Something that was causing them to be apart for so long without any hint of a settlement on the horizon.

“It’s not that Akashi-kun is ignoring you,” Kuroko continued, “It’s more so that he might not remember you.”

Kouki was completely flabbergasted. Not… remember? How? Why?

“… What? Not remember me? I don’t understand.”

Kuroko glanced at him thoughtfully. “How much do you really know about Akashi-kun? How much has he told you?”

Racking his memory, Kouki began to narrate about Seijuro’s family life, about what a relentless tyrant his father was, about his mother, and about his life at Teiko. Parts of his world Akashi loathed to share with others, and ones where even with how close they had become, he was hesitant at times to discuss.

He had thought he had known everything about him, but by the way Kuroko was staring at him, Kouki felt a large portion must still be absent. But what else could there be?

“About Teiko? Then I’m going to assume that he left out something very important, or else you would know why this is happening. The other him has returned.”

Kouki cocked his head to the side. “Other… him…?”

His teammate seemed almost hesitant, as though what he was about to say was going to be more painful than Kouki could imagine. Kuroko heaved another weary sigh, blank gaze focused entirely on the other teen before he dove into his extended story.

“You see, Furihata-kun, as strange as this may sound, there are two Akashis.” He watched as Kouki’s confusion only magnified. “The one you know, and then the original Akashi. During that game, they somehow switched back. I noticed because of how peculiar he was acting, how he addressed me, and of course the most obvious feature.”

Kuroko then began to explain about Seijuro’s eye color. If Kouki had ever noticed a change in them, he had realized during toward the end of the match the abrupt color change. When Furihata blurted out an even more confused response, Tetsuya contrasted the two persona’s defining traits.

“So the side who knows you, the one whom you’ve been with, is the one that has gone into hiding. Because that side has been in control for a while, I want to assume that the other one has no idea what life after Teiko has been like. If this is the case, which I’m almost positive it is, he’s probably hasn’t just forgotten you, but his teammates as well. The people he met after, the sins he’s done.”

Rendered speechless, Kouki’s brain tried to process what was transpiring. He desperately rifled through his mind, trying to recall anything about Seijuro ever mentioning the other side of him. But if he had been present for the shift that Kuroko spoke of at any time in their relationship, there had to be an instance of the real Akashi knowing him, right?

He vaguely could recall an occasion when Akashi mentioned something, however, he had completely tossed it aside a second later. As though he had been disgusted in knowing there was another side of him. Who, in all reality, was the real him, and he himself was the second part.

Was he somehow trying to be rid of the real him for good?

“He probably won’t contact you because he doesn’t know what to say,” Kuroko resumed, “To him, you are a complete stranger. If he has any knowledge of you at all, that is.”

“…Is there anything I can do, Kuroko?” he questioned weakly.

A foolish question after all he had learned, but his yearning couldn’t be quenched. He clung to the hope that there would be some hint that could lead him to what he needed.  Even if Seijuro truly had no memory of him, even if he had no idea he existed, something out there had to be able to nudge at him about them, about their relationship, and how special they were to one another.

Kuroko shook his head. “I’m afraid not. If you try to approach Akashi-kun, he most likely won’t come forward. You’ve been trying that already, correct?”

Kouki nodded sorrowfully.

“Akashi-kun has to be the one to come forward.”

The void in his heart then loomed wider, gradually shaping into a black hole, an endless galaxy that had no return. Oh, the pain was unbearable. It was one matter to know your lover was annoyed at you for some reason, but to know they had no memory of you? That you didn’t exist to them, your relationship was never formed, that you never crossed paths. So many heart-wrenching thoughts that were eons more painful than Seijuro being angry at him for something mundane.

To be honest, Kouki would prefer the second option every time.

“It will work itself out. Don’t worry, Furihata-kun.” Kuroko patted his shoulder. “But you need to stop blaming yourself like you’ve been doing.”

“I do feel a bit better in knowing he’s not mad at me… but it still really hurts….”

“Perhaps you would like to come with Kagami-kun and myself after school? We are going to go and play street ball at a different court than the usual. It could serve as something to take your mind off everything and for you to not be alone during this time.”

Kouki nodded. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” he concurred, “Anything to take my mind off all this sounds just great.”

 

* * *

Cursing his tardiness, Kouki sprinted to the court a little later than what time they had agreed on. His head was definitely not on correctly, as he had completely forgotten there was no practice today and ended up bursting into a vacant gym.

Only afterwards had it occurred to him that was why Kuroko had suggested using the afternoon to play street ball. Dumb of him to assume otherwise, but now thanks to that, he was probably going to be the last one to show up.

But to his surprise, when he arrived, no one was there.

With his luck he probably got the court wrong. Geez, what was supposed to be an enjoyable afternoon was turning into a complete disaster! Heaving a sigh, he sat down on one the benches and texted Kuroko to make sure he was at the right place.

A chime came a second later.

**Yes, that’s the correct one. I’m sorry, Furihata-kun. Kagami-kun was hungry, so we stopped to get some food. We will be there soon.**

Kouki chuckled, practically able to envision Kuroko’s peeved expression as Kagami continued to shovel burger after burger down his gullet. Knowing that, he was now pretty sure he had a while until the two showed up. Not that he minded, since he’d thought he was the one rudely running late, but it was a bit odd to be the only one here.

His other friends had stayed after school for some extra credit class, so it was only the three of them. Perhaps with this arrangement, both Kuroko and Kagami would be able to give him some pointers since there were no others to claim their attention. Maybe with their help he could improve and become a better player this year than what he already was.

Another chime.

**We’re leaving in a bit. Kagami-kun has already eaten plenty, whether he wants to think so or not. Once again, I apologize, Furihata-kun.**

Kouki quickly replied and stowed the phone back into his pocket, peering around the area. How quiet it was, aside from the sounds of the street behind him and out of the fences. But those weren’t enough to disturb the peaceful aura, and he was beginning to realize he didn’t mind the solitude after all. One could just sit back and lose themselves in their thoughts here if they truly desired to.

And that was what exactly his mind opted for.

He reminisced of his conversation from the afternoon prior with Kuroko. If there were really two Akashis, how did that even work? Kuroko had spoken of how the  _real_  Akashi – not the one he knew of – probably only retained memories of middle school. So did that mean not only did he not remember him, but the Rakuzan team as well? If it did, it meant Seijuro would have no knowledge of one of his closest friends, though Kouki was sure by now he had at least settled that with Mibuchi.

Reo’s mother hen nature wouldn’t permit otherwise. Maybe he would be the one to inform Akashi of their relationship and him, even though he had chosen to keep it well hidden for the time being.

But the most pressing problem remained. If the Akashi he knew was truly gone, and this one had no memory of him, how would their relationship resume? It would be almost impossible to if one had no recollection of what they had been through, what they were heading toward. Perhaps the best and most optimistic thing he could hope for was for them to start over completely.

“This whole thing is a mess,” he muttered defeatedly.

The sound of light footsteps approaching was what caused him to snap to attention. Switching his demeanor, Kouki quickly stood from the bench, ready to greet the other two Seirin players.

“Kuroko, I can’t believe you were able to get him out of there so quick!” he laughed.

Kagami not be able to finish his burgers was almost impossible to picture. Kuroko must have dragged him from the joint along with whatever food he had leftover, which Kouki was sure was a hefty amount.

Yet, it wasn’t the usual sky-blue mane that greeted him, but red, and a shade far more vibrant than Kagami’s. Kouki inched a step in reverse, finding it hard to grasp who was venturing onto the court. After so long, after so many weeks of pain, finally.

Frozen in place, he waited until the other teen was a few paces away. But the words wouldn’t come. Instead he gazed straight ahead, staring up to confirm Kuroko’s theory when two crimson eyes stared back at him instead of the usual mismatched ones.

Tilting his head to the side, Seijuro smiled crookedly, and Kouki waited with bated breath. Waited until the voice he had been longing to hear finally spoke.

“Hello there, Furihata.”


	6. Chapter 6

So… this was what fear, true fear was like. The person you loved with your entire being, who completed you in every aspect possible and ensnared your heart in the most phenomenal of ways. The person who could cheer you up by just hearing their voice, who brought a smile to your face with the touch of their fingers brushing against yours, was now a complete stranger before you. No memory, no recognition. Nothing.

Kouki had experienced many distressing moments in life, had come up against some extreme hardships, and had encountered some unpleasant people.

But nothing, nothing was as terrifying, as intimidating as this situation.

He was sure of it.

The silence swayed between them, the only sounds the town interacting from behind the fence. His throat ached, and his lungs quivered, but he couldn’t find the will to conjure up any words. Words he had been yearning to say for as long as it had been since they separated, words that would stay trapped within him until he quelled this overwhelming mix of emotions.

But he had waited for this, had he not? Gone to sleep every night, faced the day with hollowing grief in hopes that would be the moment Akashi would surface. Hoping everything had been a horrible dream and his lover hadn’t forgotten him, hadn’t pushed him aside as though he was disposable. These words, so many of them would illustrate how he’d suffered during that time, how he felt now, and how he wanted to tell Seijuro how much he missed him. That being without him was complete agony.

And yet he remained where he was, motionless and silent.

“I understand if you don’t wish to speak,” Akashi was the one to breach their silence. “I would probably be the same way.”

His tone was compassionate, wrapping around him with a familiar warmth. And yet, there was something distinctive about it. It struck a chord, adding to the riddles that were forming to map this Akashi. The one he had never met, the one who carried numerous differences compared to the one he knew.

And the one who knew nothing about _him_.

Kouki nodded. The words were trapped, but at least it was for a slightly altered reason. Now that Akashi understood the predicament he was in, he had some time to mull them over.

“Do you mind if we sit?” Seijuro gestured to the bench. “This isn’t going to be a brief conversation, and I feel sitting down might be a bit more comfortable.”

Kouki would have jumped to agree, but he remembered one vital fact.

“Kuroko.” He had finally discovered his voice, causing those crimson eyes to stare at him. “Kuroko and Kagami will be here soon, so now might not be the best time.”

Now he sounded as though he was trying to avoid this discussion, and was he? Kouki had been yearning to get to the bottom of everything, but now that it was right before him, he could feel his nerves once more beginning to elevate. Not that Seijuro was the one intimidating him, as he was resisting the urge to rush into his arms. But more so, what was the outcome was going to be, how would they generate a resolution when everything was so out of order?

It didn’t diminish any tension with how Akashi was looking at him. Had he said something wrong? Upset him by giving that as a response instead of sitting down to discuss what would be the most weighty conversation they’d ever have?

“No,” Seijuro affirmed, pulling him from his thoughts. “They won’t be.”

Though blunt and abridged, it was surprising to hear. They won’t be? How did he know that? Kuroko had clearly written back to him saying that they were delayed, but they would be along shortly. That he….

Kouki paused in mid-musing as reality dropped down upon him. How did he not see through the ruse? Not see that he was set up? It should have been obvious when Kuroko abruptly brought Akashi into their discussion today, but he had been too far wrapped in his misery to notice.

 _Kuroko_ had known all along this was going to happen. Kuroko had planned this little get together, concealing the real reason behind it and leaving him stranded on the court until the main event surfaced. He would have thanked him for doing so, but with how aggravated he was from his anxiety, all he could think about was screaming at him for pulling the wool over his eyes.

“Then, shall we?”

Kouki wordlessly nodded, and this time followed suit. His mind was spinning from trying to process what was truly happening. How was it his fault? They had planned a ton of gatherings after school and on the weekend, so why would this one have been any different? Still, he was fuming in knowing he had been so easily caught.

_But for a good cause._

He attempted to remind himself that, really he was, but all he could think about right now was what he was about to face.

Once settled, those eyes were once more upon him, and Kouki could feel his pulse accelerate. What could they possibly discuss? Was Akashi going to reveal that he wasn’t Akashi, yet at the same time he was…? Kouki shook his head. This was getting too confusing.

“First of all, I wish to apologize for any sadness I know this has caused you, Furihata.” Kouki tried not to cringe at the surname. “I had no intention on causing you any grief. Not at all.”

Kouki could only nod. He knew what had occurred wasn’t meant to hurt him. It wasn’t Seijuro’s fault, and Kouki could hear the sincerity, the regret within his tone, but he wasn’t sure how this was going to resolve after the damage had already been done.

“I’m sure you’re aware by now.” Seijuro paused as though to reconsider his words. “And if you are not, there are indeed two of me, and while I don’t wish to sound rude, I am the true and only Akashi Seijuro. The other is merely another part of me. A part that overtook my life for far too long.”

He tried to not allow that to nag at him, but it was impossible to avoid. Kouki knew that was the truth all along. That he had been in love with what could have been a figment of his imagination, an illusion that would never return to him. And as if that wasn’t painful enough, to know he never really “met” his lover, so to speak, and was conversing with him for the very first time, was more than he could handle.

But instead of voicing his despair, he opted to slowly nodding again. And though it made Akashi raise an eyebrow in concern, it was enough to push him to continue his explanation.

“I’m trying to pick up where I left off. Before my other self took over.” Kouki could hear how weighted the words were. This was as hard for Akashi as it was for him, yet worse. “At the same time, I cannot do that because I am very confused.”

Akashi leaned his head back and exhaled, gaze angling toward the illuminating skies before turning back to the one beside him.

“There are people in my life that I have never met before. Some are closer to me than others, and it’s weird because it’s as though I’m stepping into someone’s life. When it is in fact my own.”

Kouki tried not to frown. Did he mean Mibuchi and those at Rakuzan… or did he mean him? He knew he was close to his teammates, at least the Akashi he knew was, but he was unsure about anyone else. Still, trying to sort that out right now wasn’t an option. Akashi was grieving in his explanation, the pitch in his voice was evident to that, and he was more than willing to listen.

It was utter and complete torture to see Akashi like this. So dreary, so lost. A boy who refused to show any flaws was now crumbling before his eyes. He wasn’t sure which way to go, and Kouki was clueless on how to guide him. If he could. He wanted to do nothing more than to reach out and pull him into his embrace, but he remained where he was.

For this wasn’t _his_ Akashi.

“The other me is asleep, and I am unsure for how long.” Kouki’s heart froze at that. “He is the one that carries the memories I am lacking, and I am troubled knowing I cannot recover those.”

Asleep? So that meant he was still in there? That Akashi had a chance of returning? Whether it was a slim one, it was still a chance. But with how discombobulated this one was, Kouki wanted to assure that he was put at ease before thinking about anything else. It would be selfish on his part to mull over his own emotions until Seijuro’s were finally back in order.

“I am torn, Furihata.” The woe of despair had returned. “I’m thrilled in knowing I have control of my own life again, but at the same time, I am shattered by this. While there are parts of my _brother_ I wish to be rid of entirely, there are others I wish to hold onto, but I cannot because I have no experience or memory of them.”

Kouki's hand trembled. He was wresting with himself now, to not leap forward and comfort the one before him. They were strangers, after all, and what stranger pulled someone into their arms, even though it was a gesture of sympathy? He was, but he wasn’t sure how this Seijuro was. It _had_ taken the one he knew a while to accept his affection, so even though they harbored differences, the two might have shared that.

Aside from that, it would be awkward to do so when he hadn’t said a word since this conversation began. There were so many he wished to say, so many emotions to unleash, but he couldn’t. Not until he trusted himself not to overact. He needed to be in control of his emotions, and at the moment, they were in complete turmoil.

“Which brings me to us.”

Kouki swallowed hard. He should have expected that would be the next topic, but he had been hoping by some miracle it wouldn’t be. This was what had brought them together in the first place, the reason for his misery for so long, and the answer he had been seeking for so long.

If so why was he fearful of learning the truth, then?

“I’m afraid I don’t know anything about you.” Seijuro’s tone was remorseful, and his eyes easily matched. “I may have had a glimpse of you during the finals, but you were only a player on Seirin. I didn’t think anything else of it. At the time, there didn’t seem to be a reason to.”

This reinforced the horrible memory of when he had tried to gain Akashi’s attention after the game. When Akashi had promised no matter what the results were, they would meet at that one location after. Only, Akashi never came, nor had he spared him a second glance after their victory. And here he had thought all along that it had been in his fault. That he had done something to cause his lover to abandon him.

“But even though that is the reality, I do know this.” He paused, once more causing Kouki’s heart to pound. This conversation was doing nothing but increase his anxiety. “You were, and still are special to my brother.”

Akashi’s lips then slowly began to shift, the once frown he had been wearing morphing into a small smile.

“And therefore, you are to me as well, but I am unsure if I’ll be able to pick back up my brother’s life, where you two stood. Everything is so confusing right now.”

The turmoil within him continued to mount. While it was a relief hearing this Akashi cherished him as well (even though he didn’t know him), there was a lot in the way. How could they resume what he and the other one had if they knew nothing about each other? Kouki knew everything about him… or so he had thought, but it was the complete opposite on the other side of the equation.

What was probably going to occur, after they settled everything, was that they would part ways. Akashi was informing him of everything so they didn’t divide on bad terms. It was a nice gesture, but it wouldn’t ease the void inside him, the one he knew was going to flourish in the aftermath of their impending separation.

That was a given, but it hurt to envision it.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to resume your relationship.” The words hit him like a freezing rain. “Mainly for the fact, it never technically formed.”

A crack vibrated through his ears, and Furihata was certain it was another portion of his heart. He knew Akashi’s intention wasn’t to wound him, but how he was reposing everything was generating harrowing results. Then again, why was he so surprised to hear this? Akashi was a hundred percent correct. There was no relationship existing between them.

There never had been.

Temporarily discarding any more baneful thoughts, Kouki focused on his response. He had been silent this entire conversation, but now he was sure he needed to mend that. If he didn’t, Akashi was going to think he wasn’t taking this seriously. That he didn’t care about what their future would be together, if they even had one.

His lips began to move, and then before he could prevent his words from escaping, they were expelling without a second motion.

“You should forget about it then,” he muttered, eyes lowered, “About me, everything. It’s only going to make everything more confusing.”

Acid stung his tongue as each syllable bounced off it. Oh, it was painful to say, but better he be the one to do so rather than hear it from his lover. If the knife was going to be twisted deeper than it already was, then he would be the one to inflict the self-damage. By his hand, the blow would lessen and wouldn’t be as poisonous as the imminent one was going to be.

Then, why did his eyes burn? Why were the corners beginning to dampen, and slowly blur his vision? Kouki quickly thumbed the tears aside, not wishing to show any weakness. He couldn’t be selfish and allow Akashi to endure something that was deeply confusing him. No matter how much he wanted them to stay together, it wouldn’t be the right way to proceed.

He wanted a future, but not one that would cause shaky results.

“I cannot do that,” Seijuro interjected, “That outcome would not settle me. Because even if everything is scattered right now, there is a large piece missing inside me.”

Kouki wanted to laugh. Of course a piece was missing. He had lost half of his personality. Something… no, _someone_ who had been in a part of his life for a while now. It was only natural to feel as though he was lacking something.

“And I’m completely positive it’s you.”

Kouki was frozen in place. He hadn’t been expecting _that_. 

Akashi’s gaze trained on him. “It doesn’t matter if our relationship can’t resume at the exact place it was abandoned. It probably never will be, but that does not mean I don’t wish to try.”

Now he was confused. “I don’t get it.” Kouki frowned. “Why try if we don’t know one another? Doesn’t that make everything more complicated?”

His question seemed to snag Akashi’s original line of thought. Those vivid depths strayed from his, and began roving around the vacant court. Akashi seemed to be momentarily caught off guard, no longer speaking with the confidence he had been doing. And if he had to say, had become a bit uneasy when asked.

Kouki didn’t wish for that to happen, but it was an important question. Why did Seijuro want to try if everything was already so disorderly? Not having any knowledge of a relationship you had been in for over a year was one matter, but to not know a single fact about your partner, or had never been formally introduced to them until now, was a whole other.

From what had transpired in the numerous weeks, Akashi had even been clueless to what his name was. And if it was that severe, how could something fall into place from a simple discussion? Something that took a while to build, bit by bit, and day by day until they were growing closer and closer?

“It will, yes, but….”

Akashi’s response was halted by his own apprehension. He was having a difficult time staying still. Giving into his antsy motion, he quickly rose from the bench and stood a few paces away. He began to pace, his hands behind his back, and facing away from the quiet and confused Kouki.

In all the time he had known him, Kouki had never seen Akashi so unsettled before. And in those rare moments when he wasn’t sure about the outcome of something, or was experiencing the scarce emotions of anxiety, he barely showed a reaction such as the one he was currently doing.

But then again, this wasn’t _that_ Akashi.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, though it had only been a few minutes, he turned toward the bench.

“Furihata.” His tone was low, the despair clearly entwined in his usual pitch. “These past weeks have been some of the most agonizing ones I have ever experienced. Aside from when Mother left me.” He paused, the emotions of the last words reflecting in his eyes. “I cannot put into words how I have felt, and how irritating it was in knowing I couldn’t find the cause of this hollowness inside me.”

The confession ensnared him by surprise. Slowly raising his head, Kouki was greeted by the same tender gaze he encountered before they began this discussion. His moved slightly, but his heart was overwhelmed with a mix of emotions to free the correct response.

He could see Seijuro, _this_ Seijuro, was really trying. Everything was still a disaster and it was painful to know this had happened, but he truly was trying to fix everything as best as he could.

“While I was trying to figure it out, I kept coming across fragments of you.” Akashi recalled the photo next to his bed. “My brother might be asleep and has left me with no memory, but he did leave quite a few clues scattered about. It took me time to collect them all and come to a conclusion, but by the time I had done so, much time had passed since our separation.”

He paused to exhale shakily. To been entirely honest with himself, Seijuro was impressed his confidence hadn’t crumbled yet. It had taken him all night and the ride down to plan this entire discussion. He wasn’t sure which way it would turn, what the outcome was going to be, and if Furihata would accept his explanation, no matter what lengths he was going through to make it sound not as far-fetched as it was.

The Rakuzan captain may have appeared composed, yet inside he was a quivering mess. He had made it this far, yes, but who was to say this would last?

“I had no idea how to approach you. I had no idea who you were, and I was relying on the small clues left behind with the fragments I was uncovering.” He peered over to see Kouki was listening intensely, and pushed himself forward. “I needed to enlist someone to help me."

“Kuroko,” Kouki whispered.

Akashi nodded. “Yes. I contacted him last night and explained what I could in hopes he would have a solution. Especially since he was around you the most.”

So it hadn’t been Kuroko alone, after all. Akashi had approached him and confessed his dilemma before anyone knew what was truly happening. From there on, Kuroko had used his coaxing skills to get Kouki to bring up the subject, allow him to lament about the whole ordeal, and then invited him to the outing. An outing where, unbeknownst to him, his former lover would be waiting until he was alone.

To know Akashi lowered his pride to ask the help of someone else showed Kouki this was unquestionably not the Akashi he knew.

“I apologize,” Seijuro bowed suddenly, the action throwing the other off entirely. “I am being selfish, and have done nothing but speak on my behalf.” He offered him direct eye contact. “Tell me, what is it that you want, Furihata?”

Selfish? He was explaining how he felt, and that was anything but selfish. Although there were parts that were inflicting a great deal of pain, he was happy to know Akashi was being so open about the whole ordeal.

Kouki was content in knowing that he had missed him, that he had dealt with the same agony and experienced the same void he did. But was it enough to rebuild their relationship? Seijuro had said it wouldn’t be able to resume where it was left off, so that left one option.  

“Um… you said if we did this, that it wouldn’t pick up where it was left, right?” Kouki ignored how reluctant he sounded. “So then that means we have to start over, doesn’t it?”

Seijuro nodded in confirmation. “That is correct. There would be no other way around that.”

Kouki tried not to sigh. He was afraid of that being the only outcome. There was too much at stake, and while Akashi had no memory of any of that, he had every bit of knowledge of what was.

“Er… I’m not sure I can do that,” he mumbled, “You know, with how far into the relationship we were.”

He watched as Akashi’s face nearly crumbled. The fortitude that was used to persuade their conversation was diminishing before his eyes. Instead, those crimson eyes widened slightly, and a slight alarmed expression slid in place of what was once a confident one.

"… How far exactly?” Akashi questioned warily, “Meaning you’ve already did more than k-kiss…?”

Kouki had to repress his laughter. He didn’t want to poke at Akashi’s uneasiness, but it was wonderful to have a break away from all the anguish. In the years he had known Akashi, he had never seen him nervous, stumbling over his own words. If he had to comment, he found it absolutely adorable, and wouldn’t mind seeing it every now and then, depending on the cause of it.

But wait, that meant _he_ had to be the one to explain everything.

“Um… we….” Geez, this was embarrassing, and this was the person he had shared all that with! “… Ah… um… we were pretty close, if that sums it up.”

Quelling his humiliation, he chanced a glance over at the other. Akashi’s eyes were lowered, cheeks tinged a light fuchsia. He was seated on the bench, refusing to raise his gaze from his shoes. Despite how awkward he may have been feeling, Kouki couldn’t help but cherish the moment. For seeing a sight was rare, and he wasn’t sure when he’d be able to witness such ever again.

“I mean, we were-”

Seijuro’s hand quickly shot out. “There’s no need to explain anything.” His voice was now wavering. “I can understand… why you wouldn’t wish to start new when you were further than… I… thought...” The words died down, and then he was rising again. “Please excuse me.”

He was then once more standing a few paces away. Kouki watched as Seijuro rocked on his heels, back facing him as he composed himself. As humorous as it seemed with this being the one he had shared everything with, this Seijuro had absolutely no memory, so it was a given he would react in such a way.

Before he could muse about it further, Akashi was standing before him, looking more composed and like his previous demeanor.

“I want to apologize… if my brother caused you any harm, Furihata. I had no idea… he… advanced in that… way.”

Kouki shook his head. “He didn’t cause any harm, so don’t worry about that.”

“I see.” Akashi cleared his throat, cheeks once again tinted. “… If he did, then I want to apologize on his behalf. I didn’t think-”

“I don’t think it’ll be bad,” Kouki interrupted before Akashi could ramble on. Akashi stared at him blankly in return, not understanding the reason. “To start from the beginning. It would be as friends though, right?”

He nodded. “I do not wish to rush anything, and getting right into a relationship would do just that.” Akashi’s lips tilted downward. “I sincerely hope you are not deciding this because this is what I suggested. You have as much say in this as I do, Furihata, and I want to know what you want. Not only me.”

“No,” Kouki sighed, “It’s more, what would be worse? Having to start all over or being without you entirely?”

That couldn’t have been any more of the truth if he was asked. What was the worst of all? Having Akashi and starting anew? Or being without Akashi and locked in the memories he knew he would never experience again? Kouki knew the answer even before he discussed the outcome, but something was still lacking.

Something he was hoping wouldn’t be an issue if requested.

“… But can I ask for one small favor?”

Akashi raised his head fully, vivid eyes shifting to grant him direct contact.

“Of course.”

Kouki seemed almost reluctant. He exhaled shakily, gathering his wits before his lips were once more in motion.

“Do… you think you can call me Kouki instead of my surname…?”

Kouki held his breath as he watched Akashi mull over the idea. Up until now, he was beginning to realize that hearing his surname from Akashi was causing the void inside him to flourish. It sounded silly and maybe a bit childish, but up until then, Akashi had always called him by his given name.

Even if it wasn’t that Akashi, Kouki was hoping it wouldn’t be much of an issue.

“I can do that.” Akashi smiled softly, but it quickly disappeared in a wave of confusion. “What did you call my brot... I mean, what did you call me?”

His heart throbbed at that question. It had been so long since Kouki had heard the name he had given his once lover.

“Akashi-san.” Seijuro seemed a bit disappointed by that. “Or… sometimes Sei.”

Almost instantly that disappointment evaporated. Leaning back against the bench, Seijuro took the moment to consider the answer.

“Sei, huh? I like that.”

It was a simple change, but it was enough to make Kouki smile in return. Little steps such as these, would bring them closer, and though there were many gaps between them, maybe someday they would be on that level again. For now, he was content in knowing they could slowly inch into a friendship, and then seeing how the unknown would play out.

“Well.” Akashi was once more standing. “I suppose we should get started.”

Kouki only looked on confused, until he saw what the other was doing.

“I’m Akashi Seijuro.” He held out his hand in a polite manner.  “And you are?”

They were _really_ starting from the beginning. It was difficult, yes, and they would have to endure a lot, and maybe they wouldn’t reach where they once were. But Kouki was willing to try, and by how determined Akashi seemed, he knew he would give it his all as well.

It was truly bittersweet.

“Furihata Kouki,” he replied, feeling his eyes beginning to water.

The Rakuzan captain smiled softly, and clasped his hand in return.

“It’s very nice to meet you… Kouki.”


	7. Chapter 7

Bit by bit, tentatively but steadily, they eased onto the projected path. It wasn’t as though they were starting over. From the beginning, that was, since they did learn a fair amount about each other after their lengthy discussion on the court. But they weren't more than a step up from strangers. That’s what it seemed like to Kouki. Akashi may have been by his side again, but he wasn't present.

Even though physically, he was

Once they'd bandaged the loose ends, they had engaged in small talk. Though they were reluctant and rusty at conversing, Kouki had delighted in learning about this Akashi, and he knew that sense of wonder was mutual. Even if Kouki felt as though it was a repetition from a year ago, he discarded that and pushed forward.

Afterwards, they had parted with promises to meet up soon, and he'd texted Kuroko two words.

**_Thanks, Kuroko_ **

In the moment, he hadn't been able to construct anything profounder than that, not with the emotional turmoil roaring within him, so simple sufficed. 

Akashi and he saw each other the following weekend, their first real day of traveling together since their discussion last week. Together, side by side, they'd walked to the court to meet up with Kagami and Kuroko. With how murky everything was between them, they had decided it was best to be around others as they rekindled their friendship.

It would have felt extremely awkward, otherwise.

So there they sat for their first outing, their first _real_ outing, if they were going by that theory. Kouki resisted the urge to laugh when Akashi walked up to Kagami to introduce himself and he inched back defensively. The Rakuzan captain was bewildered, and looked to Kouki for a reason why.

After explaining what had occurred between Kagami and… the other Akashi, he quickly went to amend the situation.

“I apologize for that, Kagami.” His tone was sincere, with a tinge of regret. “It wasn’t exactly…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kagami muttered, “I already know it wasn’t you.” He scratched the back of his head, peering over at Kuroko for guidance.  “So uh…yeah… you don’t gotta say sorry for that, then.”

With introductions exchanged and teams assembled, they soon began the game.

Kouki watched through hooded eyelids how gracefully Akashi navigated around the court. Nothing was different about that, the same flawless and skilled movements that he was used to. The swift pace, those agile steps, the way he held the ball before he would pass it off to another teammate.

No, everything there seemed the same.

Except for one new addition.

Akashi appeared entirely at ease, a tiny smile gracing his lips. The usual concentrated demeanor was absent, those cold mismatched eyes focusing more on achievement than anything. This Akashi was more intent on having fun, enjoying the time with his friends over anything else.

There was no competitiveness in those crimson depths.

The Akashi he knew and grew to love was always hell-bent on seeking victory. Even if it was just them playing one on one, his lover’s competitive streak would always leak through and completely destroy them being equals. At least when it came to sports. Although there were other times it would surface, it was never as extreme as when it came to this.  

Shifting his thoughts elsewhere, Kouki could picture the last time they had challenged each other. Aside from the Winter Cup, they had been on the court together, engaging in a seemingly harmless round of streetball, and it wasn’t much of a surprise that Akashi was in the lead.

 

 

  

_This game had been anything but impartial, at least not in Kouki’s perspective. His lover wasn’t acting in accordance to the rules, but that was a regular occurrence when they met on the court. It wasn’t that Akashi was taking advantage with any of his skills, nor was he playing dirty by tripping him up like Hanamiya did._

_Not in that way, that was. No, this was on a whole different level._

_Kouki’s lungs burned, teeth clenching as the ball bounced off the rim for the fourth time that afternoon. And then his gaze was on those mismatched eyes vividly dancing a few paces away, an irritating grin cemented into those pale features._

_The repressed air expelled in a huff. “Stop distracting me!”_

_A slight step backwards, and then Akashi was bestowing him with a mockingly innocent glance of surprise._

_“I’m distracting you? Funny. I was going to say that you were the one impeding my focus.”_

_He was taken aback. “M-me?” Kouki sputtered, more upset now being accused than losing, “I’m not doing anything!”_

_Seijuro’s grin then somehow became more vexing than before. He inched forward, sliding gradually into his personal space until he was standing before the fuming Kouki. A few strides more and their noses were touching, generating a warmth within Kouki and painting his cheeks a rosy hue._

_“Let’s make this more interesting, hmm?” Akashi completely ignored the previous stammer to divide their closeness and walk further out on the court. “If I can shoot from here.” He toed the exact spot before dragging his foot across. “Then you have to give me something.”_

_Kouki knew better than to trust those words, and the sly undertones were only strengthening that suspicion._

_“… What do you mean by ‘something’?”_

_He shouldn’t have asked, but he wasn’t about to agree to terms when he was clueless to what the outcome was going to be. Of course Seijuro was going to make the shot. Who would think otherwise? He could have easily rejected the entire bet, but then he was sure there would be another way right back into it._

_“You have to kiss me,” was the simple response, nonchalant as though it wasn’t an intimate subject._

_Kouki could feel any resolve crumbling. It was already obvious that Akashi wouldn’t miss, but if he agreed to these terms, he definitely wouldn’t. Peering around how far his lover could, his thoughts shifted their resolution. Then again, he **was** standing far away, and he wasn’t a shooting guard like Midorima was._

_“Only if you move further out,” Kouki found himself saying._

_Akashi raised a dark brow, but then slowly complied, taking a few more paces out._

_“Here?” he asked when he had finally stopped._

_Kouki observed the distance between where he stood and the rim, and internally smiled. There would be no way he could, even with what he had requested as the prize in the end. He was confident this was all in his favor._

_He nodded, choosing to remain turned around to watch how in the world Akashi was going to perform this. But he would stay, for his own amusement. Akashi may have been skilled in many aspects, but this certainly wasn’t one, not with the grand range between him and the target._

_Dribbling a bit in place, Seijuro bent his knees, lips curving into one last grin._

_“Now, watch this, Kouki.”_

_The ball had then been released and Kouki watched as it soared over his head. He closed his eyes, hoping to whatever powerful being was listening that it was going to only make it halfway or if it made it fully, it would rebound. It had to, it just **had** to._

_“What do you think about that, Kouki?”_

_The smug tone only made him cringe, and the ball hadn’t even gotten there yet!_

_“Hmm, Kouki?”_

_Kouki…_

_Kouki…._

 

“Furihata!!”

Separating from his trance, reality restored for Kouki just in time for him to see the ball heading toward him. Try as he might, his feet were frozen in place until the object that was airborne smacked down straight into him. He released a gust of air, and then he was toppling backwards.  

When he was able to crack his vision open, his blurred view focused to reveal concerned eyes peering down at him. Kouki groaned, fingers skimming where he had taken the hit and discovering there was something soft firmly pressed against it.

Coming to, he realized Akashi was the one leaning over him and had pressed a tissue to the inflicted area. He moved slightly, hoping it was signaling that he was at least functional and there was no need for panic. The hand against his nose only remained in place, assuring the tissue was mopping up any blood that was still trickling from it.

“Furihata-kun.” Kuroko. “Are you all right?”

Eyes roving over to where his schoolmates were crouched, Kouki nodded weakly.

“I think that’s enough for today.” Akashi was speaking, still holding the tissue to his nose. “We could always try again next weekend. If you two don’t mind.”

Kagami shrugged. “Fine with me.”

“Only if Furihata-kun is better.” Kuroko was frowning. “He seems a bit absentminded today.”

Kouki chose to close his eyes again. Absentminded wasn’t the word. Lost in the past and picturing who his lover once was? Maybe that fit better. He had completely zoned out during the middle of their game to reminisce about Akashi. The other Akashi, and the consequences of that had already ruined their first outing together.

And though those eyes that observed him so carefully, so filled with concern, were exactly like the ones he remembered in this type of situation, it wasn’t the same. Even his touch when he pressed the tissue gently to him to cease the injury from trickling, even that had distinctiveness to it.

Still, he couldn’t let this get to him. Akashi was trying, and he needed to as well. No matter how difficult it was.

* * *

Together they sat in one of the cozy cafes, safe from the now frigid temperatures, and with both Kuroko and Kagami absent. Kouki decided it couldn’t get any more embarrassing than what had just occurred with them on the court, thus being alone with Akashi didn’t seem awkward anymore.

They were sitting in complete silence aside from the conversations of the other occupants wafting around them. Kouki chose to stay hidden behind the menu, peeking out every now and then to see Akashi continuing to stare at him with the same gaze from fifteen minutes ago.

The same tender, uneasy, bewildered gaze.

Defeated, Furihata slowly placed the menu aside to gift him direct contact. He smiled assuredly, hoping it would diminish some of his friend’s concern.

“Don’t worry about it. This has happened before. Remember when…”

Furihata paused in dead-middle, eyes lowering as a small laugh filtered through.

“… No, you wouldn’t remember.”

Akashi chose to ignore that last bit. “How can I not be worried? Your nose is still quite swollen. Perhaps you should visit a doctor after.”

He flinched internally. “No, it’s all right,” Kouki sighed, “I’m going to ice it when I get back home, so that will bring down the swelling.”

The answer didn’t seem to appease Seijuro. In fact, he was staring even more pointedly than he was before. And Kouki would be lying if he said it didn’t remind him of the countless times they sat across from one another.

Whether it was in one of the usual dining establishments or somewhere new Akashi had suggested, there was never a time they didn’t share their meals together. It became a tradition after a while, and Kouki could vaguely remember two months into their relationship when they first began to.

 

 

_Bundling his coat to hide his smudged clothing wasn’t enough, nor was messily fingering his dark mane to get his hair in order. His homely tennis shoes weren’t elegant, nor did they compare to the polished ones that he knew everyone else adorned._

_All around him were people dressed to impress, in pressed suits or tailored, flowing dresses, each button shined to perfection._

_And he was anything but that._

_Choosing to stay huddled beneath his jacket, Kouki studied his lover, who didn’t seem perturbed by his frazzled state. Why would he? Akashi was, of course dressed neatly, his stylish attire easily blending in with the posh atmosphere around them. He had no need for concern._

_Kouki, on the other hand…_

_“Pssst!” He hissed from the menu he was now hiding behind. Akashi’s forehead scrunched as though he didn’t understand the reason for his concealment. “This place is ridiculously expensive! Everyone here is dressed so nice!”_

_Akashi leaned back in his chair. He then folded his hands, resting his elbows on the table before positioning his chin on top._

_“You wished to go to lunch, did you not?”_

_Kouki took the moment to gape at him._

_“I meant like a sidewalk café or something!” he whispered harshly, not wanting to draw attention, “Like a hotdog vendor or something, you know, somewhere cheap?”_

_Akashi’s nose wrinkled at the answer. “Do people really still eat at those?”_

_Furihata’s lips sunk into a frown. Of course people did… well… he and his friends did. It was one of their usual hangouts because who really had money to go into places like this? Come to think of it, who went into places like this dressed in such disheveled clothing? It was embarrassing, to say the least, and he was severely hoping Akashi was going to have a change of mind._

_Very, very quickly._

_“Is that where you wish to go instead, Kouki?” he was then asking._

_He couldn’t have nodded fast enough. “Y-yeah,” he muttered, “If it’s okay with you.”_

_“I only stopped in here because you wanted lunch,” was the reply, “If you were upset about my choice, you should have said so the second we came here.”_

_Kouki couldn’t tell if Akashi’s tone was one of hurt or disappointment… yet there was a sense of amusement behind it? He wasn’t so sure. He opted to remain where he was, finding it difficult to untangle the words that were jumbled on his tongue._

_He wanted Akashi to do things, see places he wanted to as well, not just him. Was he being fair when he said he wanted to go somewhere else after they were already seated? Maybe if he could pronounce at least one of the dishes on the menu, it wouldn’t have been so bad._

_But before he could continue to battle with himself, there was a hand on his cheek, and he nearly leapt to his feet at the touch._

_Seijuro brushed delightfully warm fingertips across his skin, eliciting tiny shivers. He smiled, his usual tender and understanding one, and then his lips were once more in motion._

_“Don’t feel bad about not wanting to be here, Kouki.” His tone corresponded with the smile. “Anytime something upsets you, please tell me.”_

 

 

Kouki’s cheeks tinted, and he found himself raising his own hand to grip the one that was fixed against him.

Only to bump edges with air.

Eyes coming into focus, he saw Akashi leaning forward, arm stretched across the table and another tissue in hand.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you, but your nose started to bleed again.”

Kouki laughed sheepishly. “Thanks. I guess I am a bit out of it today.”

“I don’t think that injury is helping it any.” Akashi was once more frowning. “Maybe you should head home and rest. I don’t mind if we end our day early.”

He instantly rushed to diminish that negative theory.

“No, no!” Kouki offered him a smile, wobbly, but it was a smile. “I’m fine, really. I just have a lot on my mind.”

How awful he was being. Here he was trying to rebui…- build his relationship with this Akashi, and he was stuck reminiscing about the one from the past. By the solemn expression before him, Kouki figured Akashi was aware something was amiss, even if he didn't have a lead on the contents of his daydream. And perhaps he was beginning to feel Kouki was ignoring him, when that was the last thing he wanted to do.

If he wanted to somehow regain what he had with Akashi, that would all have to change.

Starting now.

“Are you sure?” Those crimson eyes coincided with his tone. “I don’t want to cause any more harm to your health.”

What a difference, to see this exposure so easily from Akashi of all people. And while it might have upset him on one level to know it wasn’t what he knew of, it was a refreshing sight. Especially when he knew Akashi was probably experiencing the same jumble of emotions as he was.

It was actually quite reassuring.

“Yeah,” Kouki laughed; this time it was genuine, without a trace of skepticism. “I’m sorry how I’ve been acting today, especially when it’s our first outing together.”

Akashi nodded. “I can understand how you feel, Fur… Kouki.” His eyes somewhat lowered, focusing more on the designs of the table top. “…I know I’m not him, but-”

Kouki’s hands instantly shot out, waving them back and forth.

“Don’t say that, please,” he whispered, “You’re your own person, and I would never compare you. I want to know more about the real you.”

Akashi’s head raised, eyes slightly widened as though he hadn’t expected that answer. Then, they softened, his lips curving upward until a gentle smile had replaced that crestfallen expression.

“And I want to learn more about you.”

It was painful, agonizing, if he had to name the precise word, and he knew they’d struggle along the way. But he would find a way to overcome everything, to not get lost in the past with the risk of ruining the present. He had Akashi back, didn’t he? Not the way he wished, but he was here with him once again, and that was all that should have mattered.

He would have to be the one to lead them into everything, just as Akashi had been the one to lead them over a year ago. He would be the one to build their friendship, and hopefully have it develop into something they once had. Something they could share, whether it was the same course or not.

Kouki leaned forward to rest his palm against the top of Seijuro’s hand, trying not to smile at the rosy hue he received in response.

“Let’s get started then.”


	8. Chapter 8

 

It had been months since their first outing, and Kouki vowed after that he was going to change how he had been. He had Akashi back, and that was all that mattered. It might not have been the one he remembered, had learned to love, but who was to say he couldn’t fall for and move forward with him?

Once they began to learn of each other’s interests. Or more accurately, Akashi was relearning Kouki’s, so they began to alternate with the places they would visit. The first time they did – since he had felt horrible for how distracted he had been all along- Kouki suggested that Akashi chose the location.

But as expected of Akashi, he had declined and offered Kouki the option.  
  
From there on, they had switched back and forth every weekend. Sampling a new place each time had become their routine, as they slowly became accustomed to the other’s tastes. They would sometimes go alone or other times they would spend the day with Kuroko and Kagami, to switching off and having Mibuchi join in on the fun. Never did Kouki invite his other friends, especially he was still intent on keeping their relationship hidden.

If it wasn’t sacred and fragile before, it certainly was now. Something like how they currently stood needed to be handled delicately.

Today they were at a bookstore, browsing many different novels. They would pause every now and then to discuss the topics they came across before returning to skimming through the different shelves. That was, until Kouki stopped on a large book that instantly piqued his curiosity.

Noticing Furihata had become still caused Akashi to grow puzzled. He placed the books he had gathered down and went to see why the other had gone quiet all of a sudden.

“Kouki?”

He snapped from his trance at the calling of his name.

“Ah, it’s nothing,” Furihata chuckled weakly, “This book made me think about an exhibit this month I really wanted to see.”

Seijuro peered at the book’s cover.

“On trains?”

“Yeah.” He tried not to sound so blue, but failed miserably. “I really wanted to go, but it’s really far away, and my friends really have no interest. Not like I do.”

Akashi continued to stare down at the book.

“I see.”

Kouki nodded, and went to return it to the proper shelf, but was halted by a hand on his wrist. Confused, he turned to see what had caused Akashi to react that way.

“Why don’t we do that for one of our weekends?”

The suggestion nearly caused him to drop the book in his hands.

“You wouldn’t like it, Akashi…” He laughed slightly at the look he received. “.. Sei. It would be really boring.”

Akashi wasn’t fazed. “I don’t think so, and you want to go, yes? Then we’ll have to…” He frowned when realization dawned on him. “Next weekend our day will be shortened, I’m afraid. I have a recital.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Kouki muttered, slightly disappointed, “I remember you mentioning that.”

The discussion then began to dwindle as Akashi went to sorting through the many books again. Kouki was gnawing on his thoughts. He wanted to ask, but then was he being too intrusive? They had gotten closer in the past few months, yes, but maybe this was a bit too personal. Friends went to each other’s performance though, didn’t they?

Either way, his heart went against his judgement, and he found himself speaking what he yearned to.

“Do… do you think I can go? To your recital?”

Seijuro seemed surprised by the request, eyes slightly wide, and Kouki felt the urge to kick himself. He had asked for too much, hadn’t he?

But when the other’s lips curved into a soft smile, all thought on that diminished entirely.

“I was actually hoping you would want to.”

Furihata laughed, but it was more of a relief that he had broken free from the awkward place he had been in moments ago.

“I’ll have to get the train really early to get there, but I’m definitely coming.”

“You won’t have to,” Akashi explained, “It’s around here.”

Kouki sighed. “That’s easier, but you know I would have made the trip.”

He then placed the book back on the shelf and made his way toward the exit.

“Kouki?” Akashi was confused by the sudden action. “Where are you going?”

The other smiled. “If I’m going next weekend, I have to look my best. I wouldn’t want to look like this representing the great Akashi Seijuro,” he mocked.

Akashi only chuckled.

* * *

 

The recital wasn’t solo as Kouki expected, and turned out to be with a student or friend Kouki didn’t know. They were on the piano, Akashi on the violin. Nonetheless, their playing was enjoyable, and while Kouki had no complaints, he was more eager to hear Akashi perform.

As Akashi joined in with his section, Kouki could recall the very first time he discovered that Akashi had such a talent. Well, Akashi was talented in _many_ things, but this was something he never knew of. He could picture the look on surprise on his lover’s face, having not expected the sudden presence.

It had been one of those rare times his father was absent, and Akashi had invited him to stay at the manor during one of their breaks, but he had shown up sooner than he had told Akashi he would.

_He stood before the mahogany portal and glanced at his watch. Having finished early, Kouki was now at least half an hour earlier than scheduled. Pushing that aside, his hand knocked against the elegant wood and he waited, but no one came._

_Strange. Where was Akashi?_

_Furihata was aware the servants wouldn’t be around, as Akashi dismissed them for the week, but maybe Akashi had stepped out for a moment?_

_He rang his cellphone, but again was returned no answer. Now might have been a bit of a time for concern. So, ignoring if he was intruding, Kouki pushed open the door and stepped into the dimly lit manor._

_Only to freeze mid-path due to an enticing melody cascading through the hallways._

_Quickly trailing the sound, his ears led him to the den where his lover was. Akashi stood before the portrait of his mother, eyes closed in concentration, and not even the slightest bit aware he was being watched. In his hands was a violin, those slender fingers gliding over the strings so skillfully to produce such a wonderful tune._

_Why hadn’t Akashi ever mentioned that he played?_

_Kouki stood in the archway, listening with both his ears and his heart, captivated by the phenomenon. The song was both mesmerizing and sentimental, and he couldn’t help but wonder if Akashi had composed it for his mother._

_Either way, it was causing his eyes to mist over._

_When the song came to an end, Kouki stood there clapping, trying to overcome the emotions he had gained during the performance._

_Akashi nearly dropped the instrument, clearly not expecting any one to be present. His eyes widened, and the expression he wore was a mix of surprise and, if Kouki had to admit to himself, he had developed a slight fuchsia hue to his face._

_“Kouki! When did you get here?”_

_But instead of answering, Furihata, who was still immersed by the heart-stirring melody, quietly made a request._

_“Could… could you play another?”_

_Akashi stared at him for a moment, unmoving as though he was mentally deciding. And then his surprised expression melted into a soft smile, the instrument once more in position as he began to play another breathtaking song._

His haze slowly dissolved, and he realized that Akashi’s playing sounded exactly the same as his vision. Nothing had changed, it was the same distinctive melody that he had learned to cherish, had listened to countless times. That sweet yet sorrowful tune, the skillful movements. It was entirely the same.

 _‘Because he is Akashi,’_ he reminded himself, _‘You’ve known that all along, you idiot.’_

When it had concluded, they ventured out into the warm night to evade the crowds. Akashi had always been one that kept to himself, even if he had been in the spotlight only moments ago. Right now, all he seemed to want was for the two of them to spend time together, especially since their day had been curtailed by the preparation of his recital.

Kouki was more than eager to grant him that opportunity.

In amicable silence, they trailed the cobblestone walkway that lined the back of the performance hall. The numerous blossoms of late spring guided their path and lead them toward the large fountain stationed in the middle. Akashi gestured for Kouki to sit, waiting until he was comfortable before sliding onto the edge beside him.

Furihata ran his hand through the trickling streams, delighting in how warm the water felt on his fingertips. The area was something you would uncover in a flowery maze, and he wondered why he never noticed or heard of it before. He paused in his antics when he realized how quiet Akashi was, staring off into nothing, crimson gaze unreadable.

He couldn’t help but wonder what was on the other’s mind. Kouki approached him cautiously, searching for a conversation starter that wouldn’t disrupt their tranquility.

“It was a really nice concert,” he found himself saying.

Akashi hummed in reply.

Kouki frowned. What was troubling Akashi after such a wonderful and flawless performance? Did he not play the way he wished and was sulking over that? Kouki didn’t know, but he did have a hunch on how to bring him away from that fog. ****

“The song you did… it reminded me of that time I was staying over.” He noticed Seijuro had turned his head to stare at him. “Um... when your dad was out of town. You were playing by your mom’s portrait and I came like fifteen minutes early and saw you.”

Akashi’s expression altered into a puzzled one.

“It reminded me of that,” he finished.

Kouki watched as that confusion drooped into a solemn expression, and it took him a moment before realization dawned on him. At that point, he wished he could take back what he had said. He should have known Akashi would react that way, but he hadn’t given it a second thought.

Akashi then heaved a soft sigh, head drooping in defeat or sadness, Kouki wasn’t sure which.

“But, Kouki, that wasn’t me. That was—”

“No,” Kouki interrupted softly, “It was you.”

He smiled as Akashi raised his head, confusion once more brewing within those crimson depths. The breathtaking melody that was a union of sorrow and joviality, the way the bow was held and brushed skillfully across the instrument, those eyes closed in concentration, the same notes that touched his heart in ways that only Akashi could - it was all the same.

Nothing was different.

“It’s always been you.”

* * *

 

The following weekend they met up earlier than their usual time.

As he had done the previous weekend, Akashi had arrived in Tokyo the night before instead of on Saturday afternoon. But last time had been shortened due to his violin recital, even if they had spent time after. This one was entirely all for them. He had awoken Kouki a little after nine o’ clock, asking if he wished to go to breakfast, and as sleepy as he might have been from a challenging practice yesterday, Kouki instantly agreed.

They chose one of their preferred eating establishments, a simple place Kouki had showed him during one of their gatherings. This might not have been the Akashi he knew, but he still had the careless habit of spending profusely, especially when it came to browsing the shops around the towns.

“What are we doing today?” Kouki asked, fiddling with the menu. “You pick since you let me the last few times we met up.”

Akashi shook his head. “No. It’s still in your favor.”

“What, again?” Kouki frowned. “B-but I picked the last two times! How is that fair to you?”

Their discussion was curtailed by a low buzz. Akashi apologized for the interruption, excused himself, and then fished his cellphone from his pocket.

“Good morning, Kuroko. No, you didn’t wake me. Kouki and I are having breakfast right now. What are our plans?” He peered across at his dining partner. “Street basket with you and Kagami? That sounds nice.”

Kouki pondered the suggestion. That _did_ sound nice on such a pleasant day as this, and he was clueless what else they could do. He nodded as to accept the offer, but then to his surprise, Seijuro’s answer was anything but that.

“Thank you for your offer, Kuroko, but I’m afraid we already have other plans.”

Kouki was puzzled. Didn’t Akashi give him the choice for today? He had agreed to meeting up with Kuroko, so why did he decline? Listening as he chatted with Kuroko a bit more, Kouki debated if he wanted to reach across and object. He didn’t understand why Akashi had declined, but instead of asking, he waited patiently until Akashi was through with the conversation.

“I don’t have anything for us to do today,” he whined once Akashi was off the phone, “We could have gone!”

He was flat out ignored as Akashi continued to tinker with his phone. Who was he communicating with now that he finished with Kuroko? Ironic as it sounded, he was slowly beginning to behave like the Akashi he remembered.

Kouki wondered, was it possible that…

But as he was met with the crimson stare, all assumption diminished.

“I know I said it was your choice, but I’ve already selected for you. If that’s okay.”

Furihata only grew more puzzled.

“You wished to go to the train exhibit, didn’t you?”

Kouki was taken aback. In retrospect he should have foreseen that outcome, but given how far away the event was, he was still thrown off guard by the suggestion. ****

“Well, yeah, but t-that’s really far!” he sputtered, waving his hands back and forth, “That’s a really long trip. It’ll probably take all day!”

“I don’t mind,” Akashi replied, “If we leave after this, we’ll make plenty of time.”

Kouki continued to stare at him skeptically. Not only was this going to be a lengthy trip, but he wasn’t certain of the cost. After all, he had never been that far up the tracks, unless he counted the rare times he visited Akashi’s domain. He went to protest, namely for those two reasons, but was instantly met with the counter argument.

“You wanted to go, right?” A faint smile molded onto Akashi’s lips. “I won’t take no for an answer, Kouki. Especially when I know you want to go. That was part of the reason I came down so early. Aside from the obvious one.”

Behind his hand, Kouki had to conceal a smile of his own. He was starting to notice traits of the Akashi he missed, the one he still longed for. Perhaps they really did have similar features that he never realized, or maybe it was that he was accepting that this was how it was going to be from now on.

Either way, it brought a smile to his face.  

“Okay,” he then caved with a defeated sigh, “You win.”

 

* * *

 

Kouki was sure he had died and gone to heaven, and if not, he was definitely caught in some wonderful dream.

He had been to some train shows before, but nothing could compare to how huge this one was. There were numerous models, ones he had never even known existed. Each were on their own set of tracks, leading to a different location. Some had glowing trees, houses, and other objects on the side to make the displays stand out more, while others were simply expensive models traversing the countless sets of tracks.

Seeing how many attendees there were at the show made him feel less embarrassed about his hobby and more inclined to embrace it. There were even people his age, maybe a few years older. Back home, he didn’t know anyone who was as passionate as he was about it. Even if his friends did have an interest, they were nowhere close to how engrossed he was.

Kouki wasn’t sure if Akashi had any remote interest, but he didn’t seem to be protesting. In fact, the other was busy reading the book they had received at the entrance, reading each blurb aloud to Kouki as they passed by its respective exhibit.

Still, he couldn’t help if Seijuro was really into it, or simply following through for his sake.

“Ah, Sei?” Akashi raised his head to show he had his attention. “You’re not… um… this isn’t too boring, right?”

Akashi smiled. “No, Kouki. I find this very interesting. It was a good choice to come here.”

“You’re the one who decided that.”

“True,” Akashi said, “but you were the one who wanted to come in the first place, yes?”

Kouki nodded. “That’s true,” he mumbled, “But you were the one who agreed to go… so um… thanks for that.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Kouki. I’m more than happy to.” Akashi then held out his hand, confusing the one beside him. “Now, what do you say we stop discussing and start browsing? We have a lot to cover.”

Furihata’s confusion melted, a smile molding into his features. He eagerly took hold of the hand offered to him, and then he was dragging the other boy to the next display within range. 

*** * * * ***

 

“Aaaah, I can’t believe how late it is!”

By the time they had toured half the exhibit, went for dinner, and then browsed what they hadn’t seen, it was already 10 o’ clock. Kouki was absolutely certain his parents were going to kill him for making them worry. He had never been so far away this late at night unless he planned staying there until the next day. They were never too keen about him traveling at the later hours, but he had been so wrapped up in everything that time had become nonexistent.  

He grabbed Akashi’s hand, and rushed toward the train. There were only seconds before it departed, but somehow they made it through as the doors were coming to a close.

Trying to catch his breath and replenish his lungs, Furihata leaned against the divider. Next to him, Akashi had already recovered from their swift sprinting and was in the midst of searching for a spare area. It wasn’t much of a surprise they easily spotted one, given the time. They quickly dropped down, eager to finally be able to give their feet a rest.

“I can’t believe we almost missed it!” Kouki was nearly gasping as he continued to gather air. “My parents are going to be so mad at me.”

Akashi leaned back in the chair.

Once again, he had become quiet, as though something was traversing his mind. They sat in awkward silence, the sound of the train gliding across the tracks the only noise around them. That was an automatic concern for Kouki, and he wondered if he had said something to cause that. Treading cautiously, he slowly nudged at the one next to him.

“Akashi-san?”

Kouki frowned at the lack of response, and nearly slapped himself in realization. Of course, how could he forget?

“Sei?” he questioned softly, “Are you okay?”

That nickname seemed to be the key to regaining Akashi’s attention. He broke free of whatever trance he was submersed in, and the film in his dark eyes began to diminish. His head raised, and he granted Kouki one of his soft smiles, though there seemed to be something hidden in it.

“I’m fine, Kouki. A bit tired, though.”

For some odd reason, he felt he wasn’t being told the entire truth. Something about that answer was a bit off, but Kouki let it slide, instead nodding.

“I know. I’m sorry I lost track of time,” Kouki sighed, “Everything was really nice. Thank you for coming with me.”

Akashi continued to smile, though his crimson eyes were once again waxing over. Kouki tried to push his worry aside, convincing himself he was getting panicky over nothing and Akashi simply had a long day. It was normal for him to become quiet every now and then and lost in deep thought.

“I’d go anywhere with you, Kouki. You should know that by now.” He paused to yawn. “I’m glad I was able to keep you happy.”

Kouki could feel his cheeks heat, and he was at a loss for words. But he also knew if he didn’t say anything, Akashi might become upset again and the awkward silence was returning. Wait, upset over what? He still had yet to figure out what was causing it in the first place!

“If you don’t mind,” Akashi continued with another yawn, “I’m going to have a short nap.”

Still speechless, all Kouki could do was nod. He didn’t want to deprive Akashi of resting, especially when he had been kind enough to take the long trip with him. Their conversation came to an end, and Kouki settled himself comfortably in his seat. He gazed out the window at the passing sights, and allowed himself to get lost in his thoughts. 

Today had been an eventful and fun day, he couldn’t deny that. Every weekend he spent with Akashi always was, but to have the other take such a long journey with him just to see a simple show, really showed him how much Akashi cared for him.

And he knew he felt the same.

He knew he might have been confused as they rebuilt their relationship, might have zoned out and clung to the past a lot, but he also knew he cared deeply for him. It was still Akashi. Akashi was who he adored in the past, and Akashi was who he adored now.

His mind’s whirlwind began to repose, and he could feel his eyelids growing heavy. Allowing the weigh take over, he soon began to doze off himself, not realizing he was leaning the opposite direction. His head landed on Akashi’s shoulder, far too exhausted to feel embarrassed at what they probably looked like, but there was another reason as well.

As he began to surrender to the throes of sleep, Kouki’s hazy mind hatched one last thought.

… The warmth he had been lacking, had been yearning for so long… was finally back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're reaching the end.


	9. Chapter 9

_Tick. TapTapTap. Tick._

Kouki drummed his pencil against the desk, eyes refusing to break free from the clock on the wall. The last five minutes of the day were practically dragging, gradually making their way toward the signal for freedom. The wait was excruciating, and he was beginning to think the hands were actually going backwards instead of moving forward.

Normally, he wouldn’t be this eager for release, but for the past half an hour, Akashi had been trying to reach him. Tempting as it was to reach into his pocket and accept the call, it was also extremely risky. Either way, it brought a concern, as it was only Thursday, and Akashi usually didn’t contact him until around seven in the evening.

Something was certainly amiss.

Thoughts roving, he didn’t realize people were exiting until a hand was placed on his shoulder. Kouki nearly leapt out of his skin, heart pounding wildly, and then expelled a relieved breath when he saw who was standing next to him.

“Kuroko,” he laughed, “You scared me. How long have you been here?”

The other male sighed. He should have been used to this by now. “I’ve been here for a few minutes. Everyone was leaving while you were staring at the wall.” His expression became concerned. “Are you all right, Furihata-kun?”

“Ah, yeah! I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind.”

Kuroko’s concern only broadened, eyes set in a curious stance. “How is everything with Akashi-kun?”

“It’s great,” he shot out. Maybe a bit too quickly, because Kuroko’s expression wasn’t changing. “No, really! It’s been so great. I can never thank you enough, Kuroko.”

“It wasn’t me who did it, Furihata-kun. It was Akashi-kun who came to me.”

Kouki smiled. “Yeah, but you still helped. It never would have happened if you didn’t agree to it.”

“I’m glad to know everything is well. You should be-”

“Oi, Kuroko!” an obnoxious voice pierced the air, “Hurry up already!”

Kuroko heaved a sigh. “Kagami-kun really needs to learn manners.” He glared ahead at their taller teammate who was waiting by the doors. “I will see you in the gym, Furihata-kun.”

Once alone, Kouki went to work in dialing Akashi, but to his disappointment, it went straight to voicemail. Again, he tried, and again he received the same result. Now might have been the time for a bit of worrying.  He couldn’t help but wonder if something had happened, some emergency, something where Akashi was trying to reach him and now it was too late.

The ghastly thought sent his stomach plummeting. No, surely Akashi would have passed the message on to another if he couldn’t be reached. He was overthinking again. The same terrible habit he really needed to soon kick. It was only going to land him in more trouble.

“Furi, are you coming to practice?”

He stared at his screen one last time before shoving his phone back in his pocket. He needed to stop overthinking so much. Everything was going to be fine. Akashi was probably informing him about their plans for the upcoming weekend.

“Yeah, I’m coming.”

* * *

 

Practice had been absolutely grueling, and Kouki couldn’t believe he had enough energy to make it to the arcade after. He would have instantly gone home and passed out, but his friends insisted he come with them, along with Kuroko and Kagami, and Kouki couldn’t find it in him to say no.

That, however, didn’t stop him from trying to reach Akashi. He had received a message from him during practice, apologizing that he had no service. Then that was it, and since then, Kouki couldn’t get ahold of him. It was frustrating. At least he knew now nothing was wrong (he hoped), but he still was clueless on why it was so difficult to gain contact with him. Maybe he had gone somewhere with his own teammates and the phone reception was terrible, and he was trying to warn Kouki of that ahead of time.

“Hey, Furi! Check out the score Fukuda has right now!”

Kouki tried not to sigh. He supposed he could worry about this later. Perhaps by then, Akashi would be in a decent range and he could get an explanation to what had happened. If his mind kept wandering like this, his friends were surely going to become suspicious, so it was best to push everything aside for now.

“Furi!”

“I’m coming!”

He went over to where Fukuda was extremely engrossed in one of the usual games, Kawahara cheering him on. Kagami and Kuroko were absent, but he had a hunch to where they were. Peering around, he easily spotted a chunk of red and then a loud banging soon followed.

“Kagami-kun,” Kuroko’s chiding was heard, “You really shouldn’t hit that. It’s no one’s fault but your own.”

“C’mon, Kuroko! Why do you always blame me? You saw the stupid machine moved the wrong way!”

Kouki tried not to laugh. It was always entertaining when this happened, and when it always happened. It was one of the reasons practice was so interesting and kept him on his toes. That, and of course Captain always yelling at them to get into the correct formation. Between him and Coach today, Kouki didn’t want to think about basketball for the rest of the evening.

A vibration then resounded from his pocket, and he quickly rushed his phone out, eyes widening at the message.

**I’m here.**

Confused, he glanced around the arcade for any sign of Akashi. He found none, but he did notice his friends had disappeared from the game they were at. Ready to search for them, Kouki froze at a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Kuroko gesturing casually in another direction, and had to restrain his shock when he saw who was standing there.

Now practically eager to locate his friends, Kouki wanted to scowl when he once more didn’t uncover them. It would be rude to just bail on them, but he also wanted to find out why Akashi was here. On a Thursday, a day earlier than usual. He typed a quick reply and sent it, hoping at least the other would receive it while standing only a few feet away.

He was relieved when Akashi peered down at his phone, and then moments later, his own was vibrating.

**Why else would I be here? I’ve come to see you.**

Kouki tried not to flush, hoping his expression wasn’t matching his current turmoil of emotions. After all, they were within a crowded area, and if he was out there blushing like a moron, someone was definitely going to question it.

**A day early? it’s still the school week**

The response was swift, and Kouki wanted to tug his hair. He couldn’t leave, not yet. They would wonder where he went and would probably be upset if he left without informing them.

“Furihata-kun, go.” Kuroko had popped in out of nowhere again. “I will tell them you were tired and went home for the night.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be rude and leave.”

Kuroko offered a faint smile. “Go. Don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks, Kuroko.” He beamed, already beginning to rush out. “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

Worming his way through the crowds, Furihata managed to squeeze through to the exit. When he made it outside, Akashi was still standing in the same spot, staring down at his phone as though waiting for a reply. He ran toward him, instantly gaining the other’s attention with the loud clopping of footsteps.

“How come you’re here so early?” was all he managed to gasp out, leaning over to catch his breath, “I mean, I’m happy! But wondering why.”

Akashi shrugged. “Meetings all day tomorrow, so I have the day off.” His gaze returned to the arcade entrance.  “I can come and see you tomorrow instead. I don’t want to take away your time with your friends.”

Kouki quickly shook his head. “No, no, it’s fine! We were going to leave soon anyway.”

A lie on his part, but what of it?  He was becoming rather bored. Seijuro showing up earlier than expected was more of a benefit on his part, along with a pleasant surprise. Besides, he wasn’t about to push Akashi away when the other had made the long trip to see him.

“If you say so.” His expression displayed otherwise, but it lasted for only a moment.  “I’m afraid I don’t have anything planned for us, Kouki.”

Kouki laughed softly. “We don’t always need to do something, Sei. How about we just walk around the town for a bit? It’s way cooler than it was this afternoon, so the heat won’t bother us.”

Akashi nodded. “It is a nice evening for a walk.”

In the beginning, when they first started to rebuild, things had been rocky. If they didn’t go somewhere to distract themselves or meet up with Kuroko and Kagami, it became very awkward between them. They had finally conquered that, and now it was enough to spend time within each other’s company. Whether it was going to the café, browsing the shops, or even simply sitting in the library or park, Kouki was content with all of those. As long as he was with Akashi, nothing else mattered.

They chose the park, settling on one of the benches. Given the time and the fact it was still a weekday, the area was quiet, practically deserted of the usual kids running about. The perfect place for them to sit and talk.

“Is that why you were trying to get me in school?” Kouki began their discussion. “I was worried something might have happened.”

Akashi frowned. “I didn’t mean to make you worry. I was only trying to inform you ahead of time.”

“It’s okay,” Kouki laughed, “I was just worried something happened to you, but then I figured Mibuchi-san would contact me.”

Though it had been kept hidden for over a year, Mibuchi was now beginning to learn more about their relationship. It had only been him though and him alone. They were still on unstable grounds and not fully recovered, but he had been by Akashi’s side through the whole casualty. Other than him, Akashi insisted on keeping all personal matters between them. Reo was the one whom he sought advice from, so it was only natural for him to eventually learn.

“He would have, yes.” Akashi was still frowning. “I’m sorry, Kouki. Next time I’ll tell you straight out so you don’t have to be stuck wondering.”

Kouki reached forward to grasp one of his hands. “Stop apologizing, Sei. Everything is okay now, right?”

About to respond, they were interrupted by a loud rumble. Cheeks ablaze, Kouki slapped his hands over his stomach. Usually he would have eaten after practice, but he had been dragged to the arcade right then and there, and he wasn’t exactly fond of the food they offered there.

“Maybe we should go somewhere for a late dinner,” Akashi chuckled.

Furihata remained motionless. “It can wait. I want to sit here for now.”

“You look exhausted, Kouki.” Akashi scanned his flushed complexion and hooded eyes. “Are you sure you don’t wish to go home?”

“I’m fine.” He groaned and tried to make himself comfortable on the hard bench. “Practice was awful because the cooling system in the gym was having problems. Coach still made us work as hard, though… maybe harder.”

Akashi’s expression morphed into a stern one.

“That’s good that she did. Because you know if you don’t—”

“You’ll never get anywhere if you don’t practice,” Kouki interrupted and earned a playful eye roll in return. “I know, I know. She’s making us work more because there’s a game tomorrow.”

“Around here?”

He nodded. “Like fifteen minutes away.” Kouki hesitated momentarily.   “Um, since you’re here… did you want….”

The Rakuzan captain smiled and placed a hand on top of his. And as though Akashi had read his mind, he turned to him and said.

“I’ll be there.”

* * *

 

He wasn’t sure why he thought this game would be any different just because Akashi was going to be there. Kouki spent most of it on the bench like usual, and that was both a blessing and a curse. Having Akashi there watching him – Kouki wasn’t sure if he wanted someone who was so skilled in the sport watching his errors. But at the same time, it was kind of embarrassing sitting on the bench the whole time. Still, that didn’t stop him from cheering on the ones who were on the court.

It wasn’t until the last quarter that he was put in.  The team they were against wasn’t necessarily one of the tougher ones, and they all had improved since the Winter Cup, but here he was in the spotlight. Through Akashi’s eyes. He chanced a glimpse at the crowds to see Akashi was indeed was observing him and every move he was making. Now would be a terrible time to royally screw up, but he knew he wouldn't be spared the embarrassment. Somewhere along the line, he was bound to screw up.

And so it came, when he tripped not even five minutes into the quarter. Did it really have to be so quick, and before he barely ran down the court? Kouki quickly recovered, face tinged red as his eyes reluctantly peered over at the stands. Surely Akashi had to be laughing at his foul up.

Instead of mocking him, Akashi was looking on with concern, eyes slightly wide. It was a sudden relief, and Kouki couldn’t help but smile. Not that it was going to change anything, but at least he had less to be embarrassed about. At least until his next slipup.

 Hopefully it wouldn’t happen until toward the end of the game.

**~**

“Should we… uhhh….”

Kuroko lowered his book. “No, leave them alone. Furihata-kun needs the support right now.”

“Yeah, I know that, but does it have to be on my damn balcony?!”

“Don’t be so rude, Kagami-kun.” He nudged him toward the kitchen. “Weren’t you about to eat again?”

Kagami scowled. “Now who’s the one being rude?”

The night sky was exceptionally dazzling tonight, and Kouki couldn’t help but lean over the railing of the balcony to peer up at the many stars. Akashi stood to the side of him, his gaze not on the bright sky, but more on the city below them. His eyes would wander from building to building before roving back to where Kouki would constantly come too close to tipping over the edge.

“Be careful there, Kouki,” he warned, “You can see the sky fine from where you’re standing. There’s no need to lean over like that.”

He was flat out ignored. “But look at that one!” Kouki leaned further. “It’s really in the distance!”

Akashi sighed when Kouki once more came too close to the edge and pulled him back by the hem of his shirt.

After the game, the four of them had gone to Kagami’s apartment for the time being, but Kouki wasn’t in much of a celebrating mood. They had won, sure, but it didn’t change anything that had happened during the game. But he never received any harsh feedback from his team, only that he tried his hardest and each time, he was improving more and more. 

Kouki sat on the smooth ground, hands gripping the railing, and turned to the quiet one next to him.

“Thanks for being there today. It really meant a lot.”

Akashi nodded. “You played well, Kouki.”

“I’m trying.” He sighed, drumming his fingers against the railing. “I still have a lot to learn.”

“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.” Akashi’s tone was soft, but he could detect the firmness within it. “It takes time and patience.”

Kouki peered up at the twinkling sky. “Maybe if I find a shooting star, I can wish on it to make me better.” He laughed and then glanced over at his companion. “What do you think of when you look at the stars, Sei?”

Still gazing at the city below, Seijuro raised his head to stare up at the sky. His dark eyes roved the velvet blanket, landing on one particular bright star. He watched it shimmer for a few moments, and then returned to Earth to answer the question.

“My mother,” was the quiet response, “I hope she’s looking down and is proud what I’ve become. I know I’ve done some things I can never take back, but I hope she’s not disappointed in me.”

Furihata’s eyes lowered. He hadn’t been expecting that answer, not even close. His lips twitched into a frown, his throat achingly dry, and he could feel his eyes becoming moist. How could Akashi think something so terrible? Everyone had their flaws, their mistakes.

“I don’t think she’s disappointed in you,” he spoke softly, “She raised someone who is kind, cares about others, and is loving. But at the same time, knows what they have to do to get by, is determined, and very wise.”

Akashi raised his head, the barest hint of a smile on his lips.

“Thank you, Kouki.”

“Now who’s the one being hard on himself?” he teased.

Akashi chuckled, and in turn, Kouki found it difficult to hold in his own. The two of them stared at one another before bursting into a fit of giggles. It was a stupid reason to laugh, but it couldn’t be helped. Here he had been down on himself and Akashi had reassured him, and now the exact same had occurred.

They stopped long enough to catch their breaths, still lowly chuckling as after effects. Kouki peered across, and though they had just been seized by a laughter fit, Akashi still looked dejected. Oh, how he wished it would disappear so he could see that beautiful smile he rarely showed.

If only he could…

The two found themselves staring at one another, and then slowly Kouki leaned forward to seal the space between them. Akashi’s lips were exactly how he remembered from months ago. Plush, yet ripe enough to place the perfect kiss on, not a tinge of chapped skin decorating them.

Seijuro sat there, crimson eyes widened, but didn’t dare to move away. His hands gripped the other's arms, trying to gain some leverage, but by then Kouki had begun to pull away.

Breaking free from his blissful state, Kouki opened his eyes to stare at the portrait before him. Akashi’s face was as dark as his hair, lips swollen, and eyes still expanded from before. 

“S-sorry,” Kouki mumbled, “I shouldn’t… I… um…”

Akashi’s cheeks remained flushed, and he had become speechless. They then sat in silence. The same awkward silence Kouki had been so thrilled to have vanish. Now it was back, and probably more powerful than ever. He wanted to kick himself for acting the way he did, but at that time, he found it impossible to restrain himself. Besides, what Akashi said about himself made him want to wish away every negative word, and that had been the only solution he had thought of.

But before he could alleviate the tension, Akashi had learned how to speak again.

“It’s getting late.” He was standing before Kouki could say anything. “I need to head home.”

Kouki could feel the turmoil churning inside him. Had he done something he shouldn’t have? Akashi was far too fidgety for him to be calm, and he couldn’t help but think he shouldn’t have crossed the line.

“Okay,” he agreed reluctantly, “Will I see you tomorrow?”

Akashi was rushing to gather his coat, and quickly tossed it on.

“I’m afraid not. I have something to do.” The response was only advancing Kouki’s queasiness. “But we’ll see about next. Goodnight, Furihata.”

Kouki raised a hand to object, but by then, Seijuro was already sliding open the doors. Once alone, his knees gave out, and he crumbled to the floor. Tears pricking at his eyes, he pulled his knees close and rocked himself in a soothing manner. Kouki could only hope it would ease the disaster that was brewing inside him right now, but there was no cure for the sickness he was experiencing.

Had Akashi gone back to calling his by his surname? What he had done… had he put their relationship in jeopardy? How stupid he was, to give into his heart’s desires. In doing so, he had caused Akashi to turn against him, and now was completely clueless on where they stood.

What was he going to do now?

* * *

Ever since that night, everything had been strained between them, and Kouki had no one to blame but himself.

After their last parting, he didn’t see Akashi the next day, as they had planned, had barely been able to reach him the following week. Why had he behaved the way he did? Akashi had looked so forlorn, and Kouki wanted to do everything to make that frown disappear. His heart had been the leader in that answer, and pushed him to act with what it was yearning for.

He never thought it would cause this as a result, though.

What if he had ruined everything they had rebuilt? He knew their relationship would never be the same, but to be entirely honest, he didn’t count on them remaining friends. With how Akashi responded, he was certain now. That was all they were going to be, and would never cross the line they once had been over. He would have to somehow reach Akashi and apologize, and tell him he was perfectly fine with the level they were on.

And would continue to remain on.

Although Kouki wasn’t a hundred percent sure, he knew he felt something for the Rakuzan captain. What, he didn’t know, but he did know he thought of him more than a simple friend. No, friends were the people he hung out with at school, at practice, and sometimes after.

Akashi was much more than that.

He wished he could recall how it felt exactly when he first fell for Akashi… the one of the past. Maybe then he could pinpoint the precise emotion he was currently undergoing. But why did it matter now? He had already ruined the chance of that happening, hadn’t he?

Wallowing in misery, he stared down at his cellphone. All week he had been trying to obtain contact with Akashi, but he never received a response. Should he try one last time? Call and leave his apology on the voicemail? That should have been enough, shouldn’t it?

Mind made up, he proceeded to press in to call, but froze when his phone began to vibrate.

Kouki didn’t waste a second. “H-Hello?”

“Hello, Kouki.” He restrained a relieved breath at being called his name again. “I apologize for not contacting you sooner. I’ve been a bit busy.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I-I understand. I was really worried… b-because of last weekend. Especially when we didn’t see each other the next day.”

There was a pause.

“I apologize. I didn’t wish to upset you, but I needed the time to think about a few matters, which is why I am contacting you.”

Kouki could feel a sharp pain in his chest, as though a knife had just went clean-cut through him. He wasn’t sure if it was the built up emotions ready to explode or the fact he was sure there was now a shallow crack in his heart that was growing with each word of their conversation.

“O-Oh?” It was difficult to steady his voice. “What did you want to talk about?”

Another void of silence.

“We will discuss it when we meet again.” Meet again? Did that mean he would see Akashi as planned tomorrow? Their usual Saturday? “I need to go for now. Goodnight, Kouki. I will see you tomorrow.”

And with that, he was gone again.

Staring down blankly at the screen, Kouki then tossed his phone to the side. It was settled then. Before Akashi could end their communication, he was going to take back what he had done. At least if he apologized or said he didn’t mean it, maybe there was a chance of saving everything they had worked so hard to rebuild and diminish being so awkward around one another.

With that resolution, Kouki curled up and closed his eyes, his dreams filled with nothing but the inner turmoil that was currently churning within his heart.

**~**

He was woken up by the sun filtering through the open shutters. Kouki groaned, and turned over, wanting to do nothing but stay out of reality and trapped in his dreams. In there, Akashi and he were happy, were the way they used to be. There were no awkward emotions, no distance. Everything was absolutely the way it should have been.

That would have been his decision, if it wasn’t for his phone constantly vibrating next to him. Still dazed, Kouki reached for it, blearily staring down at the screen.

And nearly dropped it when he saw what it said. Six missed calls and a bunch of text messages, all from Akashi. Now fully awake, he checked the time at the top and nearly froze what he uncovered. How long had he been asleep for? A simple night’s sleep had gone into the morning and a bit of the afternoon.

Quickly typing a reply, he rushed to ready himself. Not bothering to change out of his uniform, that was probably crumbled and in need of washing, he ran out the door and toward the location Akashi had said he was at.

How could he have overslept like that? Furihata knew his emotions were in disarray, but the power they had over his body was ridiculous. He had barely given himself enough time to prepare what he was going to say, not enough time to prepare what Akashi might say, and surely not enough time to figure out how he was going to stop Akashi from ending their connection.

Finally, he spotted a red mane a few paces away, and slowed his speed. He was sure he already looked terrible enough in crumbled clothing, but being a sweaty wreck wasn’t going to make that any better.

“I’m sorry,” he panted, “I overslept.”

Akashi took one glance at his attire and chuckled. “I can see that.” He gestured to the spot beside him. “It’s fine. Sit down, Kouki. You look as though you’re ready to faint.”

He accepted the offer, plopping down next to Akashi and attempting to catch his breath. Kouki tapped his fingers on the bench, trying to piece together the start of this discussion. But his heart had gone into hiding, not wanting to grin and bear what Kouki knew was to come.

“I can’t stay long, I’m afraid. There’s something I need to take care of for my father, but I did want to see you before that.”

Kouki flinched. “T-that’s okay. What did you want to talk about?”

Akashi sighed. “It’s about last weekend. There was something that needed to be done.”

He mentally prepared himself. He had to be the one to quickly apologize before Akashi brought up what happened, what shouldn’t have happened, and that there was still a chance they could remain friends.

“Kouki.”

“I’m sorry!” he shouted, “I shouldn’t have done that! I wasn’t thinking! I probably ruined everything and I—”

Kouki’s babbling ceased when warmth lightly touched his cheek. Frozen in place and eyes wide, he snapped out of it in time to see Akashi pulling away, complexion completely scarlet. His hand slapped to his face, eyes still magnified as he stared at the one beside him.

“That’s a return for that night.”

Overcoming the shock and feeling his pulse move with life, Kouki recovered his voice.

“S-so I didn’t do anything wrong?”

Akashi frowned. “No. I told you that, didn’t I?” He leaned back, color still dusting his cheeks. “I wasn’t quite sure how to respond that night. I needed a few days to think about everything.”

Trying to ease his thumping pulse, Kouki debated on saying something else. Something that his heart was coaxing him to. But he had just gained a large amount of relief, so maybe that wasn’t the best of ideas right now.

It was comfortable and content enough to be in Seijuro’s presence.

“I do hate to cut this short, but this was only a brief meeting.” Akashi stood, brushing off his slacks. His complexion didn’t seem as red now. “I should be done in the evening, if you want to see each other again.”

“Of course!” Kouki wanted to cringe at his hyped tone. “But I have to run an errand for my mom a little after four. Guess we both have parent things to do.” He smiled at the low laugh. “But I can let you know when I’ll be done?”

Akashi nodded. “I’ll see you then. Goodbye for now. Kouki.”

They then parted, but Kouki remained glued to the bench. Everything he had feared all week had the complete opposite outcome. He was relieved, elated, and wanted to break down crying. Nothing had changed because of his actions, and Akashi had even reciprocated them.

Their next meetup- he couldn’t help but wonder. What was going to happen now that Akashi had done so?

He was desperately willing for time to quicken to where it was that very moment. His heart had refused to quell its thumping, and his mind was a complete whirlwind, but maybe the errand would temporarily distract him.

Kouki wanted to laugh. Who was he trying to fool? He already knew that this was going to do nothing but create another hole among the others he had yet to seal closed.

And he would be the one to fall in first.

* * *

 

Kouki scrambled down the street, colliding with numerous objects and apologizing to every occupant he ran into. He had no idea how he had lost track of time, but now he was fifteen minutes late. Here he had promised to meet Akashi after his errand was complete, only he didn’t count on it taking longer than he had promised.  This was one gathering he wanted to be on time for. Well, all of their gatherings he wanted to be on time for, but this one was special.

He was eager to get there, anxious to see Seijuro and enjoy their time together. There was something he wished to tell him, needed to tell him. And if the thumping of his heart against his ribcage wasn’t enough proof, he didn’t know what was. Perhaps in the beginning stages, as they reformed their relationship, he had been indecisive, but after this afternoon, Kouki was convinced.

Positive that he was falling for Akashi Seijuro all over again.

Had he known when he kissed him that night? Maybe, but he still wasn’t a hundred percent. His answer had come through fully when the shy captain leaned over and pecked him lightly on his cheek. That was the fuel he needed to confess his feelings. Sure he had held off until he knew for certain, but it was more so he wasn’t rushing Seijuro into anything. They both had stumbled and crashed, but in the end, had slowly made their way back to one another, despite the rough circumstances.

And now he wanted to seal that for good.

Sprinting past the numerous blossoms, he spied a tuft of red a few measures away. Kouki smiled and waved, hoping to gain Akashi’s attention.  He could only hope he wasn’t upset that he was arriving later than he had mentioned. From what he could see, the other was seated alone on one of the benches and staring ahead at the crowds frolicking in the grassy planes. Kouki didn’t notice any signs of annoyance, so at least that was a positive on his part.

“Sei!” he yelled and rushed toward him, “I’m so sorry I’m late. I didn’t think it was going to take that long.”

Twice in one day, he was going to really need to learn to give himself enough time.

Kouki frowned when the other didn’t move to acknowledge his presence. Maybe he was a bit miffed after all. Hesitating to sit beside him, Kouki chose instead to stand off to the side, hoping Akashi would forgive him.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to be late, but…”

He trailed off when Akashi slowly turned around, and Kouki had to save himself from collapsing when his knees threatened to give out.

“I know you were expecting someone else, but I had to let you—”

Before he could finish, Kouki decked him square in the chest. Not enough to cause harm, but enough for an impact. Akashi gasped lightly and rubbed the tender area, eyes expanding at the sudden action. He easily recovered and stared at Furihata with a bewildered yet wounded expression.

“Kouki! What was that for?”

He couldn’t believe his eyes. This had to be a dream, an illusion. Something cruel and mocking that wanted to toy with his heart even more. Whether it was real or not, Kouki couldn’t prevent the birth of tears from forming, his view of Akashi becoming blurrier with each passing second.

“You idiot!” he yelled after he found his voice, having a difficult time restraining the now overflowing tears, “Where have you been all this time?!”

Akashi heaved a sigh, mismatched eyes lowering. “I’ve been here for a while now, but you were so busy enjoying your time with another, I had no need to interrupt.”

Wait. Had that been the reason for Akashi constantly zoning out as of late? The way his eyes waxed over at times? He was…

“ _Another_?” he shouted, “That _another_ was you!”

“Was it?” Akashi patted the spot next to him, waiting for his lover to sit down before continuing. “How many times did you find yourself questioning everything?”

Kouki’s annoyed features instantly drooped. He knew that answer. Constantly, as he was trying to rebuild his relationship with the other Akashi, he would question them. If they would somehow be able to reach the level that they once had been at.  Would it be the same, would it be harder. Each day had been more difficult than the other, but somehow, despite the lingering doubts, they always found a way through.

“Many times,” Akashi remarked, “Am I correct?”

Kouki’s head slumped. “… I couldn’t help it,” he mourned, “It was you, but at the same time, it wasn’t.”

 “We’re two different people, Kouki. That’s how it is, and that’s how it will continue to be.”

He could hear the bitterness in Seijuro’s tone. Did he resent the other version… the real form… of him that much? Kouki couldn’t understand why. They were one in the same, were they not? Two personalities that made up one Akashi Seijuro. But that could be discussed later. There was something much more important that repeatedly heckled him.

“How come you never told me anything about this?” Kouki was frowning again. “How could you hide this all from me?”

“There was no need,” was the straightforward reply, “I was in control, so what did it matter.”

Kouki stood, anger once more taking ahold of him. “It mattered a lot! Not only did you keep this from me, but you’ve been pushing aside the real you all along!”

“The real me?” Akashi sounded absolutely repulsed. “No, that version was weak and needed something to stand up for him. He was easy to push aside.”

“He’s not weak!” he defended, “… He’s fun to be around, and adventurous, and really sweet, and….”

Furihata’s words dangled. He could see Akashi was eyeing him, waiting for him to continue. So why was he hesitating? The point of this meeting was to tell that Akashi his true feelings, wasn’t it? What was stopping him… other than the previous Akashi staring him straight down as he awaited the rest of his explanation.

“… and I-I… love him.”

It was in that moment that Kouki could claim he had never seen Seijuro’s eyes so wide before. The Rakuzan captain’s expression was such a combination of emotions that it was impossible to pinpoint exactly which he was currently experiencing. Kouki didn’t regret his answer, though. Not when he knew it was the absolute truth.

Slowly, Akashi regained his composure, sighing as he ran fingers through his crimson locks.

“I was afraid this was going to happen. I should have stepped in sooner.”

Kouki shook his head, taking place next to him. “No,” he spoke softly, “I’m glad I got to know the other you. Now you can be whole again. You’re one person. One Seijuro.”

“Kouki, you should really—”

He froze when he felt a hand on him. Kouki slid closer until they were only mere inches apart. Peering up, his melancholy eyes connected with the mismatched ones watching him ever so closely.

“Can you please stop doing that,” he whined, “and just….”

As though Akashi could read his mind, he closed the gap between them and hauled him into his arms. Kouki instantly gripped the fabric of his coat and clenched the material tightly between his shaking fingers. His nose pressed into the brown suede, inhaling the nostalgic scent that he knew had always been there all along. But there was something different about it this time. This time there was something mixed within that he couldn’t exactly place his finger on, nor did he care to.

Akashi nudged the top of his head, eyes closing as he too savored the moment.

“I have missed you terribly, Kouki,” he muttered into the chestnut mane, “I cannot put into words how much.”

Kouki sniffled, his eyes becoming misty once again. “I missed you, too. And I’m glad you’re back. It really hurt when you were gone… I-I didn’t know what to do. Especially when you didn’t show up that night after the game.”

Akashi heaved another sigh. “I know, and I apologize for that. I didn’t wish to make you upset. I never wanted to.”

 “Why didn’t you surface sooner?” he asked, “Before I got to know the other you?”

“I did not have the strength.” The regret practically bled in his voice.  “Something happened to the two of us during that game, and I lost all control. I didn’t regain it until maybe a few weeks ago. I only decided to come forward when I saw my brother’s behavior this afternoon.”

Kouki could only nod. He didn’t have an answer for that, for he knew exactly what had transpired then. Instead he chose to keep his eyes closed, taking the moment to indulge in the surrounding warmth.

“But I’ve returned now.”

Lazily, his eyes drifted open, and Furihata stared ahead at the remaining people still in the fields. They were concealed behind numerous hedges, hidden from the wandering and prying eyes, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t care if they were out in the open, not when his heart felt the lightest it had felt in a long time and his mind’s whirlwind beginning to come to a halt.

Still, there was one last lingering thought that would finally put it to rest.

“You have to promise me something.”

Akashi raised his head. “Anything, Kouki.”

“If you’re really staying now, you have to make time for the other you.” He could feel Akashi’s chest as it tightened. “I want to spend time with the both of you for as long as this relationship lasts.”

Kouki groused when the warmth vanished, Akashi squirming and moving to another spot on the bench. Once settled, he pulled Kouki back into his embrace, fidgeting a bit more before granting his answer.

“It’s bothersome enough I have to share my time, but now hearing you say you already think we’re not going to be together forever is even worse.”

Kouki laughed. “I never said that. It’s too early to figure that out.” His head lowered, cheeks a slight rosy hue.  “… B-but I would like to be.”

“As would I,” Akashi concurred, “I think if we conquered this, we can overcome anything.”

“We’ll just have to see.” Kouki twisted around to face his lover.  “Is… he around?”

Seijuro frowned at the question. “Eager to get rid of me that quickly?”

“I just want him to know that I—”

“I can assure you, he knows. Why do you think I keep flinching? I’m trying very hard to keep him from gaining control right now.”

Kouki hid his smile. “You don’t have to right now, but promise me you will later. I want to tell him myself.”

“I suppose,” was the more than less thrilled reply.

Kouki scoffed. “Geez, don’t sound so happy about it.”

They then allowed the silence to filter between them, but it was a pleasant one this time. The mild sounds surrounding them were barely a concern, and Kouki was content in lying there for the rest of the afternoon.

 “What do you wish to do now?” Akashi had been the one to disrupt their quiet elation. “I was wondering if we could go to the restaurant I had promised you months back. I wish to make that night up to you, Kouki, and all the other lost ones.”

This time he did smile. “That sounds nice. I already went there a few times.” He tried not to laugh at the annoyed sigh he received. “But I want to go with you.”

“Good to know.” Akashi stood and held out his hand for the other to latch onto. “Shall we, then?”

They strolled down the path, their fingers lightly brushing as they walked along side by side.

It had been a tough journey, but they had made it. Kouki not only had the one who he adored back, but had gained another precious aspect about him, had learned to love another part of him that harbored his own differences. And that made it all worth everything. In knowing that in his heart, he had accepted Akashi for who he was, had learned to love the two of them as a whole person and who they made up.

As they traveled down the path, Kouki couldn’t help but wonder what life held for them now. He would divide his time between both Seijuros, always assuring he was never leaving the other out. It would probably be confusing at times, and maybe he’d become a bit mixed up, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. Life with Akashi Seijuro had always been an interesting one, and now with two of them…

Well, that was a whole other story.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’ve reached the end. I want to thank everyone who reviewed, reblogged, followed, etc. Your support means everything. This was my very first Akafuri fic, and while it certainly isn’t my last, I’m sad yet relieved to see it come to an end. Once again, thank you for your support. See you around!
> 
> Follow me on lunenari.tumblr.com for future updates/new fics.


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